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We have a family vacation scheduled later this summer. It will be everyone minus one son-in-law who has a dreaded fear of flying - it's not like he doesn't like it; he will actually throw up at the airport prior to a flight. We've all encouraged him to ask his doctor for a sedative for flying, knowing that doctors do this often. We've also offered to pay for aerophobia therapy. He has rejected these suggestions. It is a long flight from CA to MA and we've learned that it only works to shame him when we try to pressure him to come visit us. But our daughter will come without him.

I'd like to hire a photographer to do some family portraits while we're all on the Cape, but I feel it's going to be weird to do this without him being included (yes, his choice, but still). Our grandson is now two and I'd like a professional portrait done of all of us, and then some smaller group shots (like H and I alone with grandson; two daughters alone; daughter, son-in-law and grandson; H and I with daughters, etc.). But SIL in CA won't be in any of them.

I haven't broached daughter in CA to let her know I want to do this, and my fear is it will hurt her to have a portrait done without her H in it. Granted, all of this is on him for refusing help, but it still might hurt her. I know she'd very much like him to join us, but knows not to push.

Honestly, as someone who also suffers from anxiety, I know what it's like for people to try to get you to do something when you just can't due to anxiety. So I refuse to pressure him with guilt.

What would any of you do in this situation, if you wanted a family portrait, but one member won't be there?

You could ask if he could go get his photo done at home, and get a skilled photographer to add him to the family pic.

Yea, I thought of that.

You could offer to have a family portrait done of you daughter and her husband where they live. Your sil won't be included in the vacation pictures but it sounds like you're doing shots without the other sil.

Maybe you're DD will be understanding. It sounds like you are very sensitive to her H's anxiety and would love to have him included. I would go ahead with the vacation pictures after talking to your DD.

Have a great time on your vacation. I love the cape!!!

Sorry, I should have clarified, other son-in-law will be included. One of our groupings would be my daughter, him, and our grandson.

I still think it's fine.

Maybe there will be another opportunity to get a family photo with him included.

If you really want the photos, it seems silly to not do them because he can't attend. I think it would be worse if you we're trying to pressure him into doing something (airplane) that he is not comfortable doing or making him feel guilty. You're not doing that and you're being supportive and understanding of his anxiety.

I suffer from horrible anxiety witch severely limits my traveling. Aside from my H and one sibling nobody understands. I would be so appreciative of anyone who showed kindness and empathy towards me instead of pressuring, guilt and judgement.

I hope you get it all sorted out!!

Should have added that we also love the Cape. Hate that we're not going this year. Where are you going? Have you been before?

Depending on how long your vacation is, there's always the train. It's a three day trip one way.

I know what he's going through. I'm not really a good at flying either. I used to fly all the time. Now I'm scared to get on a plane.

[This message edited by WishidleftHer at 10:46 PM, Sunday, July 14th]

Should have added that we also love the Cape. Hate that we're not going this year. Where are you going? Have you been before?

Yes, we went over six years ago and stayed in a house on the water in Barnstable; we went in Sept. It was a memorable vacation as we didn't know at the time that H's best friend, who was with us (his wife, too) had undiagnosed cancer. We're SOOO glad we have those memories as he died five months later. We took a day trip on the ferry out to Nantucket and spent a day in P-Town.

This year we're going to Harwich Port; we have a house a few minutes from the beach and will have various people coming and going over the week. The house has a beautiful fenced-in yard, so we'll be able to bring our dogs, and has a playroom appropriate for toddlers. The wife of our friend who died five months after our last cape vacation will join us for five days, and we're so excited that she's flying out to be with us! She did not go with us on our day trip to Nantucket, so we may go again so she can go. One of my friends from when we lived in the Chicago area now spends most of her time at her second home in Nantucket, so it would be fun to see her, too. I think it's going to be an incredibly busy week there!

Depending on how long your vacation is, there's always the train. It's a three day trip one way.

Unfortunately, he cannot get that amount of time off of work, but it's a great thought.

It sounds like it's going to be lovely! I know we've been in Barnstable for some reason in our travels.

We haven't gotten over to Nantucket yet. Been over to Martha's Vineyard twice. There are stories there, but won't threadjack too much.

P-Town is always interesting. We stayed there the first time we went. We love to take the Dolphin Fleet whale watching tours from there although we've also taken the one out of Hyannis. We've had better luck with our Dolphin Fleet trips. We did a trolley trip through P-Town last time, and quite enjoyed it. And I love to eat at the Lobster Pot.

Chatham is a lovely little town if you have time to visit, and the seals are very entertaining at the Chatham Fish Pier. Maybe Barnstable is where we've gotten on a tour to see the seals, but they take you over to Chatham. The boat tour is nice, have done it twice, but just going over to Chatham ourselves was quite good.

The sunset boat tour out of Hyannis is quite nice if you're so inclined.

I love the Cape and have my eye on Plymouth for retirement someday (I'd rather be on the mainland side of the bridge if I'm living there year round). I've stayed over the years in Harwich, Osterville, Chatham, Eastham, and Truro, as well as on Nantucket and the Vineyard. It's my happy place.

The one time we went to the Cape, we did spend an afternoon in Chatham, too. D honeymooned there since it was during COVID (they didn't want to get on a plane). That's also one of the reasons we picked Harwich Port, because it's close to Chatham.

I don't know much about Plymouth as a town, but we hope to get there one day for a day trip. This past weekend we went up to Salem and took a harbor cruise for just over an hour. We were allowed to bring our dog with us, too. Then we walked around town for a bit, but headed back home early to beat the New Hampshire and Maine traffic heading back into the city. The one time we went to the Cape, we drove there after dinner time, so we never really experienced the bridge traffic. I dread that part of our trip. Our rental starts on a Saturday afternoon, so there's just no way to avoid it. But every day when I'm out and about I listen to the traffic reports (it helps me learn where some of the major roadways and highways are) and they ALWAYS talk about what the traffic is like 'getting over the bridges'. At least since we're going the last week before Labor Day, all the kids will be back in school so hopefully traffic won't be as bad as it is when kids are out of school.

UGH. I'm so effing mad!!! Our daughter from CA tested positive for COVID yesterday. 🙁😥😤
So she won't be joining us, and we have our family portrait scheduled for Sunday. I can't cancel or I'll lose the money. So we'll go ahead with H and me, and daughter here, her H, and our grandson. We still have some friends of daughter here who are coming for three nights, then a friend from IL who is coming for four nights. So there will be others, but it just won't be the same without CA daughter.

This is the second time D in CA had to cancel a trip with us due to COVID... the last time was almost two years ago when she was supposed to go with us to Escondido to see our friend from IL and her family who were vacationing there.

Did I mention how sad I am???

At least she's not feeling too bad; in fact, she's able to work from home.

And, I did buy trip insurance on her since we used a lot of credit card points to purchase her flight - since she was flying a red-eye, we got her Business Class so she could sleep. So I will get that money back.

That's so disappointing. Seems like a lot of people are getting vivid again and just in time for back to school.

I'm glad your DD isn't feeling too poorly.

I hope you have a nice time with your friends and family!!

Ohhh, that hurts, number4! I'm sorry that this plague is going to be with us just like colds, flu and corona viruses are, in general.

Just last week here, I heard that the grandson of a 79 year old friend, who is an honor student out at Stanford, was there in a competition and a fellow student learned - after the event - that he'd contracted Covid. That student emailed everyone in the group to warn them. Her grandson had just flown back East to join the family for their annual Myrtle Beach trip. Sure enough, 2 days later, my friend's son got it, and then maybe 4 days later as she was driving back home, she knew she'd gotten it (again. She had it real bad in 2020). I asked what her symptoms were and she said just a stabbing sore throat on day 1, followed by a dry cough for several days to a week. She had just gotten over those symptoms 4-5 days before we had an outdoors chat last week...

What are her symptoms, if she's told you?