Hello everyone. I apologize for not replying to individual messages or updating here. It's been a very trying time.
Last week my dad had a feeding tube surgically placed into his stomach. Over the weekend they began feeding him through it but what went in, came back up and out and again he aspirated. IV fluids resulted in a buildup in his lungs. The doctor felt that doing "more" would lead to a more difficult passing. The problem is he didn't explain that nothing they could do would result in a positive outcome. My mom and brother just got to the hospital to find dad in a single room with his feeding tube removed and a cranky nurse who said he was on "comfort care" as needed. Up until that point they had been discussing discharge after mom got trained on his new feeding tube.
When I joined them the next day I asked why he was now on palliative care. If my mom agreed to that. She had NO idea that comfort care meant palliative/hospice care. Took some doing but we finally had the head RN and administrator come in to help explain what was going on and to change the orders from "as needed" to a schedule since in the 7 hours we were there the nurse came in ONCE and never gave him meds. We saw the doctor the next day and he had the head of palliative care come talk to us, something that SHOULD have been done in the beginning in first place.
Anyways, as of this post dad is still "hanging on" iE he's lingering and I'm sorry but it's awful to watch!
I spent the night Monday to Tuesday with dad expecting him to pass quickly. He didnt. Tuesday evening after speaking with the kids, they chose to say their good byes and we all visited dad. The kids all told him how much they love him and held his hand.
Today I spent the day with mom, brother and dad. Dad had been reacting up until they started the comfort meds. Opening his eyes and speaking to us. Today he only opened his eyes when the nurses turned him.
I've seen death before but its just different when it's someone you love. It's made one thing clear for me. If I can arrange medically assisted suicide then I am doing it. There's NO way I want my kids to sit and watch me wither away, gasping for air with each labored breath. Ugh.
The palliative team leader said they have seen people "linger" for up to 2 weeks. I'm really praying this doesn't happen. Dad doesn't deserve to linger.
My other brother shouldn't have died period BUT at least he went quickly in his sleep.
Other than that things here are up and down. Some things I can talk about. Like how friends invited us over for a swim party on Saturday (dad crashed on sunday) the kids and I had an absolute blast. The husband is a volunteer fire fighter and got a call during our visit. When he came back he got Ds suited up in his outfit and ds was
Thrilled. He's seriously considering becoming a fore fighter now.
I haven't slept more than a few hours in days so I'm exhausted. I'm trying to think of what other things have happened.
Oh Tuesday when I sat with mom outside of the hospital so she could have a smoke I found a 4 leaf clover. Then yesterday while the kids rotated with their IC we looked for 4 leaf clovers in the park next door and found FOUR of them. Then DD found a FIVE leaf clover. I have them all being pressed so we can put them into resin pendants. Today my brother found a 4 leaf clover.
Also yesterday on our way home from the kids IC there was a clunk and my brake pedal went to the floor. Luckily we were almost home and the pressure came back. I knew the brakes needed to be done and had bought brake pads, just hadnt gotten to them. So DS and I began the process. If it wasn't for the caliper piston being stuck we would have had it done in no time. Turns out the inner brake pad had broken and the clunk was it bouncing around then dropping. The piston then was against the rotor. My brother came up and we had to take off the caliper and hammer the piston down. If you know you know. Can I say I HATE bleeding brakes lmao.
We got it all together and the brakes worked. So I was able to go see dad today.
Tomorrow I'll do the drivers side brake pads and I'll replace both calipers when I get paid next.
Oh I had noticed that for a while the steering was very tight when I turned to the right. Brother that died had installed a brand new steering column and it all passed safety so I wasn't sure what was up. I'm not familiar with electronic steering. Turns out the brake pad was loose enough to cause it to jam every time I turned right. So today it was like heaven. No more turning issues.
The back brakes are drums and I'm not touching those. Save that for the shop lol
I have my limits. Anything with springs is it.
And lastly our water pressure tank bladder broke so water pressure is limited. New tank is on its way so I also get to install that. Yay. Been there done that so no biggy lol. At least I don't have to worry about stbxwh freaking out on me while installing it.
Things I have learned:
Dying sucks. Obviously.
Always keep a can of WD 40 on hand.
All of my rachets SUCK!
Air tools are a life saver.
Lol