So sorry you're experiencing this nightmare reality.
Lizmr, seems like you have a good head on your shoulders - smart, motivated, organized. Except when it comes to him. Think your head knows what to do (leave), but your heart hasn't caught up yet. It's only been a couple of months. You're just starting to see who he really is, rather than seeing the person you hoped he'd become after marriage. BUT, be aware - your post shows some hopium (false hope) clinging. Which can be against your best interests. For example:
We've had a great relationship overall...... respect...
Does a partner who "glances, smiles, "friendly" interactions with girls when we are at the bars and in groups with friends" i.e., flirts with (hits on?) gals in front of your nose really respect you?
--Gotta ask - is this inappropriate, hurtful flirting behavior bestowed upon friends or girl friends of friends? Risky choices.
Does a partner who has sex with OW in your home and bedroom (BED?) behind your back respect you?
Think you know the answer to these questions as well.
This really jumped out = betrayers who flirt in front of their partners, betrayers who screw APs in the home and/or marital bed are IMO next level betrayers. These acts feel like particularly profound breaches of trust, and egregious violations of the intimacy of a monogamous relationship. Which points to him being comfortable with not only deception, he's also used to taking risks. He LIKES it. And the risk taking is part of a pattern = "dating" "kissing" "grinding" "paid...women" "sex". Not a good bet for a romantic partner, let alone a business partner. As others have said, a pattern of cheating doesn't usually happen in a vacuum.
Hoping the best for you, Lizmr. And hope you'll find the strength to be courageous - to put yourself first - to do what your head is telling you to do.
ETA:
One more thought. You're young! Plenty of time to learn from this and move on to create a brand new life. You're a savvy business person so let's put this in business terms. Yes, 6? years is a long time to emotionally invest in someone, but that doesn't mean further investment in the relationship is necessarily a good idea. Be alert to the "sunk cost fallacy" type of false hope:
"The sunk cost fallacy is a cognitive bias where individuals continue investing time, money, or effort in a failing venture, even when it's clear that the effort is not worthwhile, simply because of the resources already invested. This bias can lead people to make irrational decisions by clinging to a past investment rather than considering future outcomes."
Your statements below look like you're investing some emotional energy in the sunk cost fallacy:
"Oh, but we’ve been together for so long. I pressured him with work too much and he was depressed, trapped. But he is so good in so many other areas. We share a business. He is working harder and maybe he will take it to the next level in business after all? Maybe he will be different this time knowing that this time is the last time I am gonna forgive something like this?......and i keep thinking, oh what if I leave him and he will take it to the next level, like we always dreamt of? And i was there all these years but will leave now and won't enjoy the fruit of it after all."
If you had a business client who deceived, lied, cheated and engaged in a repeated pattern of defrauding you for 6 years, would you knowingly continue the business relationship - sign up for more abuse from that client after discovery? What would your head tell you in that situation? Yes, a marriage is not a business per se. But he did marry you - promised to be monogamous, to be true, to be honest, etc. etc. He broke the marital compact by engaging in a pattern of deceptive, impulsive, selfish behaviors. Is it in your best interest to "forgive" him and risk even more emotional abuse?
[This message edited by BoundaryBuilder at 4:30 PM, Wednesday, June 25th]
