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Thanks for writing back Broken. I understand what you are saying. When you say you know she be coming home to you....that is a pretty low bar. Set it higher.

Don't share her. Consider yourself worth her loyalty. Boundaries are so very important.

I really am concerned for you in that you fear confronting her when she is doing wrong to you. That is very, very unhealthy. And it really does her no favor either. She needs to develop as a person. She needs to be led into virtue....not being a lier and deceiver. Not being a cheater. You not confronting her is enabling her to continue those behaviors.

You might want to look up codependence. I understand, we all need connection. That is built into us. But we really are designed for secure and loyal intimate connections. Not ones where you never know of your love is out loving another.

Again, please hold yourself in higher regard. Trust me, you DO NOT NEED HER, as much as you think you do. If you got healthy, and set your foundation on something more reliable, namely God first, then your inherent value a human based on your relationship to God....then you could start allowing yourself to chose and build a secure, exclusive, intimate relationship.

The more and longer you let her abuse you, the worse you will feel about yourself, and the smaller you will be in her estimation....even if she does not speak that. If you start holding yourself in higher value, worthy of respect and loyalty....then she must start seeing you that way....or she will have to move on to someone else she can control and abuse.

Do you really want to be with someone who will not show you respect and loyalty?

Please don't take this as offered with ill will. I care for you. I don't want to see you end up as some safety net and wipping boy for a women who really only cares for her own ego and validation.

Ok so MAJOR update...

So one of her red lines has always been that she doesn't want me to read her journals. Even with this going on I respected that until this morning. I just couldn't help myself so I had a look, and BOY what I found...

First, there was nothing about an actual PA, BUT she basically wrote that she was in love with him and couldn't get him out of her mind. Just a few excerpts...

"I was asleep now I'm awake. OM just brings something out of me that is insanely magnetic"

"I love the way he looks at me like I belong to him. When we talk it's like the whole world disappears"

"I loved the way he confessed his feelings to me... He's the first guy to tell me that I'm the only one and that there's nobody else" - *OM has a GF btw

"He doesn't know how bad I want to be with him"

"I want us to celebrate every birthday and valentines day together. I want to vacation and go to my favorite places with him. I want to be the best version of myself again so that we can be together"

"He ignited a fire inside me so bad I feel crazy"

"I will be brave enough to work towards a futute [with OM] that will be amazing"

"I can't wait to eat food that he makes for us. I want to decorte our place together"

"I can't wait for us to have our first official date"

"He already likes me the way that I am but I want to be the absolute best for him"

"I want to go out on so many dates with him"

"I see so many possibilities for us. Him kissing me while we chill out on a random Saturday just crashing up.... Randomly sneaking up behind me just to hug and kiss me"

"I'm excited to see where life takes us"

"He's so attractive, I want to be with him on NYE, his birthday and Vday"

"I want to be with him all the time and it's driving me crazy"

"I wanted to be with him this NYE so bad. It felt like something was missing. All I could think about at midnight was him" *she was with me at midnight on NYE

"I'm so nervous, it's like I'm being consumed with thoughts of him, driven crazy with desire for all of his attention"

"I can't wait to see him again"

That's the last line. I had a confrontation with her when she woke up. I'll write about that in a minute, but this post wouild be too long and writing all that just made me sick to my stomach anyway.

The one silver lining is that I still don't think there was an actual PA, because if there was one, why would she write about all this other shit and not that? Not much of a silver lining, but it is what it is.

[This message edited by Brokenthoughts at 11:28 PM, Saturday, January 10th]

BT,

Read "Women’s Infidelity: Living In Limbo" by Michele Langley. She has a website you can download from. Two volumes; quick read.

I think you’ll find your gf in there.

Summary: When women leave the relationship, they seldom come back. Oh, she may continue to live with you, for kids, finances, security, reputation, etc., but not because she really wants to.

Maybe she’ll ultimately decide you’re the best she can do. Is that enough for you?

Best wishes.