GotTheMorbs (original poster member #86894) posted at 10:43 PM on Monday, July 27th, 2026
I'm working on my triggers though. I'm not saying to him "well I have this trauma and I'm triggered so I don't have to work on our marital issues."
We are not going to last 20 years if things continue the way they are. That's why I wanted to go to MC.
[This message edited by GotTheMorbs at 10:43 PM, Monday, July 27th]
I'm not arguing... I'm calibrating
Unhinged ( member #47977) posted at 11:29 PM on Monday, July 27th, 2026
Morbs, I'm going to say this again: patience is a virtue. I know it's not always easy. Surviving infidelity and reconciling is hard. It takes time.
I'm assuming this urgency and lives being at stake is about your chickens? Please understand, I'm not trying to minimize your concerns. They're quite valid. And IIRC, you've arranged for someone to care for them in your absence. If I'm wrong here, please say explain.
Working through relationship dynamics is important. It's always a good thing to improve them. It's a process that takes time and effort from both of you. It can be a steep learning curve. And generally speaking, it's usually a work-in-progress.
Married 2005
D-Day April, 2015
Divorced May, 2022
"The Universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button." -Brene Brown
WoodThrush2 ( member #85057) posted at 11:53 PM on Monday, July 27th, 2026
Unhinged....馃挴馃憜
Morbs, I do want to comment and hope you consider that triggers due to betrayal trauma are much more significant than "routine" issues we have in marriage as part of our personality tendencies.
If you are saying he cannot be triggered 20 years from now....or 10 years from now...etc, then I really wonder if you have understood the affects of betrayal trauma on a person? It actually impacts a person's brain. There are a bunch of resources that explain it available.
The other possibility which you may or may not admit, or may or may not be true....is this ... Is it possible you really don't want the marriage all that much? I am just asking based the tone of your response?
GotTheMorbs (original poster member #86894) posted at 11:56 PM on Monday, July 27th, 2026
Chickens, the dogs, our child...
I'm not saying he can't be triggered. I want him to recognize that he's triggered and work through it enough to be a functional partner. This defensive shit isn't cutting it when I ask for basic things.
I'm not arguing... I'm calibrating
GotTheMorbs (original poster member #86894) posted at 3:58 AM on Tuesday, July 28th, 2026
I do love him. Trying to work out how I could possibly love someone as much as I love him and still feel... like this, so violently the opposite, periodically.
We just need some help.
[This message edited by GotTheMorbs at 4:08 AM, Tuesday, July 28th]
I'm not arguing... I'm calibrating
