SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I can’t even remember the last time I posted on this site. Seems like a very long time but I’m not a great judge of time these days.

So much news I won’t bore you with. Right now the main things are…

My son, who is incarcerated should be coming home, perhaps mid May. He could’ve been coming home at the end of January, but a nearby town never came to get him to go to their towns court to hear a case there. Every week they would not come and get him from the place where he was incarcerated 45 minutes away. Finally, they did come to get him in mid December. He was given 78 days to serve. That was up March 1. But because of those pending charges, he missed his opportunity for parole. So he hast to wait for the parole board to meet again sometime in May. If I think about it too long, I become infuriated. But it is what it is, and he keeps telling me to chill out, that he can do that much time very easily. He keeps reminding me that he got himself in this mess. I wish I was as grown-up as he is.

My oldest son shot himself last week. ACCIDENTALLY. He was loading a handgun. Evidently this particular handgun has a reputation for a faulty "slide" if that is the right word. The thing you pull back to load it. Anyway, it snapped shut and caught his skin between his thumb and four finger. His hand flinched, and he accidentally shot himself in the leg. We were so blessed that he missed the femoral artery and did not break any bones. It went in at the top of his leg, just above the knee, and came out behind his knee at the top of his calf. He went from a wheelchair to crutches to a cane. Today was his first day to walk without any help… And with only a small limp. So I guess that turned out as good as it possibly could have.

My middle son was arrested yesterday for the second DUI. He is wanting me to post his bail and he will pay me back with his tax money. The bail will simply allow him to be out until the end of the month when he goes to court, and in my state there is a mandatory 45 to 90 day term for second offense.

Oh, and now, we are facing custody issues with my precious grandbaby. It is such a horrible mess. My son was served papers about being behind in child support while incarcerated.
Now that he is out, he got a lawyer, and is trying for 50-50 custody, since my granddaughter is with us every afternoon after school until 630 or 7 PM, overnight, one night a week, and every other weekend.

Since she was served the papers for the custody issues, she no longer allows me to pick her daughter up after school, she doesn’t allow her to spend the night one night a week, and I just found out last night that she’s not allowing my granddaughter to go to church with me on "her" weekend. Of course, she doesn’t have to do that, but it is what we have been doing for months and months now.

As I am trying to figure out whether or not to bail out my middle son with a DUI, on the phone with him… My oldest comes in, and his gunshot wound is bleeding through the bandage.

I like to call what is happening right now is my family is going thru "Job lite". (Bible reference)

I miss my husband so very badly - especially in times like these. He was so calm. He didn’t panic… Ever. I feel like I am second or third string help to my boys compared to what he could have been.

Anyway, just wanted to check in. I read here from time to time, trying to keep up with everyone.

I hope for the best for all of you, as we go through whatever we’re all facing.

Well you are dealing with a lot. Job like quantity for sure. Your boys sure do keep things hopping there.

I have no advice, but I know that you are a loving caring mom. And I am sorry your husband is not there to help. It would be nice to have another person to help carry the load.

Take care of yourself, please. And hope the legal and medical issues are over for good soon.

WhatsRight, sorry to read this. Not sure what to offer but how are you doing now?

Hey Superesse…

I’m doing ok.

I am doing the "1 foot in front of the other" thing these days.

I see a counselor for grief issues from time to time. He’s a nice man and I enjoy talking with him, but I don’t really feel it is helping me heal much. I’m guessing time is the biggest factor in healing.

I don’t know what I would do without my five pups.

Maddie, the youngest and biggest, is a forever clown… And a rowdy one. But I wouldn’t change her for anything.

The dachshund Bella continues her life as a service dog as she takes care of me the way that she took care of my husband. She never lets me out of her sight.

April the Beagle/border collie continues to chase and partially eat, poor little bunnies out of the yard. 😔

I’m not sure if I have told y’all about our newest addition…Maya. She is a Bully. (breed not personality) She was abused and overbred and has had some really terrible experiences in her life, but she is just about the sweetest thing in the whole wide world. I could do without the snoring… Ha ha.

And Jackie, the 16-year-old Jack Russell/black lab just keeps on keeping on.

My oldest son lives with me, my middle son is on his way to rehab, and my baby should be coming home in May…after 3 1/2 years away. We have court in a few weeks about a revision on the parenting plan/custody of my grandchild. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

So there is much to look forward to.

I miss my husband terribly. But TBH, I find comfort in it. I don’t want to ever be without him… Even if it is just thoughts/memories of him.

I hope you and everyone else are doing well these days. Spring is almost here, and maybe that will put some pep in our step!

🙂

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 11:26 PM, Wednesday, March 26th]

Hi WR. I enjoyed reading your update on all your pups. Dogs are a tremendous comfort aren't they? I'm glad you have them.

That's great that your youngest will be home soon.

Wishing you all the best!!

How is the gunshot healing? I could so relate to this because my DS had a similar occurrence. Although it was his friend who accidently shot him at a shooting range with an accidental discharge. But it was very similar, went through his leg and luckily missed all the critical things. Some recovery and PT and he was good to go.

What is the reasoning regarding your GD's mama's change of heart regarding visitation?

When my granddaughter was still a baby, my son and the baby’s mother began to have issues and not get along. They went to children’s court and were basically given about 50-50 time with her. They went to a mediator and came up with a parenting plan, but Then the cooperation seem to get better and they never followed through with making it legal in court. 🙄

Since that time, she and my granddaughter lived with us for a couple of years, and I treated her just like a daughter. Then they moved into some government housing, which was less than ideal, but have in the last year or so moved into newer nicer government housing. For some reason where I live, it’s pretty tough to get a job these days. My son got behind and child support. Then he got a DUI and was in jail.

While he was in jail, she filed court papers about him being behind in child support. I’m not sure what he was supposed to do about it while he was in jail, but when he got out things begin to get worse and worse.

For the the last 1-2 years, I picked her up every afternoon after school because her mom didn’t get off work until about six. So she had three hours with us every afternoon. Then also because of her mother’s work schedule, she would spend the night with us on Thursday night and I would take her to school Friday morning. And then we each had her every other weekend.

As of the court date in May came closer and closer about the child custody issue, my son got a lawyer. He’s supposed to be very good at this exact type of thing. So they spoke for a very long time and he drew up papers to petition the court for 50-50 custody based on how much time we have been spending with her.

Re activities that my granddaughter has been in such as dance, ballet, softball, etc.… I have paid for. I have paid for all school pictures, special portraits, etc. She even asks me to get all of the candies and little Valentines cards for her friends for the school party.She has an entire wardrobe and toys at our home. Sometimes she’ll wear something from my house to her mother’s and vice versa, and we have never cared about this. We just laughed and say we’ll figure it out at another time.

One real concern I’ve had for some time is that I do all of my granddaughters homework with her. I prepare her for her spelling tests. I check her work when she gets home and any mistakes she has made on class work, I help her correct. She comes home every day with a story she has to read at least twice. So in order not to monopolize her study time, I leave one of the readings of the story for her and her mama. According to my granddaughter, and even her mother, that never gets done. Occasionally, I give her her bath before she goes home with her mom at 6:30, so that she can enjoy dinner with her mom and her living boyfriend, and not have to have a bath at home.

Anyway, once she receive notification about my son going for 50-50 custody, she has taken away our one night a week for her to spend the night with us, and she does not any longer allow me to pick her up in the afternoon from school. Because she works later in the afternoon, she is sending her to the after school program which she has to pay for. All to keep her from us.

My son has a very hard feelings toward her. He tells me that it’s all about the money with her. I’ve wondered if that was true or if he was just angry with her. But he told me that after he got home from being incarcerated for a few months, she asked him, "Where’s all that money you got when your dad died?

😡😢

So, we go to court on April 16 and I guess we will find out what happens about custody. I was wondering… Do you either get 50-50 custody or you’re back to the one night a week and every other weekend? Is there anything halfway between?

The thing that makes my stomach turn is that she seems to be OK with hurting her child in order to get the upper hand on her daddy. Who does that?

She’s at our house and I mentioned something and the answer has to do with her mother, my granddaughter just sinks her ears into her shoulders, and looks at me as if she’s not supposed to respond. And I always just make some sort of a comment about, "I know your mama will figure that out. She’s really good at that"… Or something like that.

Why on earth would I want to make her feel "less than" about her mother. I would never. And neither does my son. But it doesn’t seem like the same as true coming in our direction.

I’ve got my mama bear hackles up, but deep down inside I’m brokenhearted. For me because I feel like I’ve lost a daughter. But of course, most especially for my granddaughter. When I think of the number of children that go through this all the time, I just Find it overwhelming.