Machiavelli1469 (original poster new member #84899) posted at 2:39 AM on Wednesday, June 25th, 2025
I'm unable to see it any other way. Cheater getting reconciliation smells like a victory. They got to
have their fun and still kept their relationship. They got away with it. Betrayed partner never gets
justice, since only God can right the wrongs. Hypothetically, even if BS steps out on their "remorseful" WW,
relationship was already crapped on by the cheater, so what's the point.
BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 2:53 AM on Wednesday, June 25th, 2025
Sounds like you have some feelings you need to work out. Why don’t you share your story with us?
BW, 40s
Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried
I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.
InkHulk ( member #80400) posted at 3:13 AM on Wednesday, June 25th, 2025
Best response I’ve got to this is the parable of the prodigal son. Read it and decide for yourself. The way I see it, yes, the wayward wins, but only if they can walk the path of humility. But the betrayed can win, too, having a loved one restored to them as if from the dead. This is not a zero sum game.
There are a lot of ways R can deviate from the narrow path needed for this kind of win-win. But I believe it is possible. People here say it is so, and I believe them.
People are more important than the relationships they are in.
HouseOfPlane ( member #45739) posted at 11:34 AM on Wednesday, June 25th, 2025
I'm unable to see it any other way. Cheater getting reconciliation smells like a victory.
If you really want the WS to suffer, then "reconcile", by that I mean stay married, and then treat them like shit for the next 40 years. Create a house of woe filled with guilt, shame, retribution, score settling, and general misery. Then you can win whatever competition it is that you are referring to.
What competition is that?
DDay 1986: R'd, it was hard, hard work.
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”
― Mary Oliver
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 2:57 PM on Wednesday, June 25th, 2025
I'm with BluerThanBlue. I'll add:
If you want justice, end the relationship. Most BSes are free to do that.
I see no way to 'right the wrongs'. D doesn't do it. R doesn't do it. Even if some power can create an alternate world in which the BS is not betrayed, there's no getting away from the fact that the BS was betrayed in this world. A BS has to accept that their loved one betrayed them.
The WS always gets away with cheating - and always bears the consequences.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 3:13 PM on Wednesday, June 25th, 2025
What competition is that?
Amen
"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus
hyperactivepineapple ( new member #86185) posted at 10:38 AM on Thursday, June 26th, 2025
I reconciled for the sake of our 2 month old baby. I have bad separation anxiety and couldn't bare to be away from him. I completely get this though. It feels like he's had his cake and has eaten it. I'd have run a mile if I hadn't of had my son. It feels like it's destroyed me and he's still living his best life, I feel a lot of hate for him everyday.
