SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I am currently in a trauma center receiving intensive therapy, and there is a common analogy that I've come to love that I thought the people at SI would appreciate:

Colorado is the only place in the country that both cows and buffalo roam freely in the valleys between mountains. The climate of this area causes frequent thunderstorms that come in from the Rocky Mountains in the West. When the storms roll in, the cows and buffalo react in opposite ways: cows run East away from the storms, which prolong their exposure and suffering. Buffalo run West into the storms, which allows them to get through them faster and minimizing exposure.

My entire life, I have been a cow. I repressed painful memories of my childhood, I avoided conflict with people close to me, and I avoided telling the truth to people I hurt. Every single one of these choices resulted in prolonged suffering and pain, both for me and others.

For the first time, I am choosing to be a Buffalo. I am diving headfirst into therapy, facing all of my trauma head-on. I am relentlessly and unequivocally telling the truth to everyone in my life. I am choosing every day to live honestly, respectfully, courageously, and with integrity for the rest of my life, no matter how difficult, no matter the pain.

Are you the cow or the buffalo?

So glad that you are doing the work at such a young age. I am also trying to process the trauma I had growing up, but am in my early 50s. I recently disclosed an affair from 20 years ago that I needed l intended to take to the grave as the shame and guilt was pushing me towards a nervous breakdown. I have found childhood trauma and avoidant behavior to be a common theme among many Waywards. I still struggle to avoid those tendencies and am very lucky to have a wife who is walking this difficult path with me. She has been amazing with her grace and understanding despite the terrible choices I made that are causing her so much pain.

Wish you the best in your treatment and you have a fan as it took me three more decades to have the courage to face the issues you are facing.

FVL- I followed your story when you first began posting here, and I have rooted for you and Mrs FVL since. Sending you strength to continue your self improvement work, and praying for Mrs FVL to continue healing through this process. You, sir, are a Buffalo now