Some of older members might even remember me, others can get some idea of what I went through from my profile...
Long story short, after her affairs ~10y ago, she did "the work" (i.e. towards R) for ~1 year and then just stopped. Traditional excuses - "I just don't know what to do anymore", "If you know, you should tell me" etc, etc, old timers here know the drill, it's also written in bold letters in Cheaters' Handbook.
Once I realized that, I said, "ok, let's live together, but you cannot expect that I will love you", she professed undying love no matter what (I said it won't last, remember my words) etc etc. Well, I kind of felt that for few years she cared and then she didn't.
So I said for myself, that ok, I'll wait until our children are 18-ish, then I'll dump her. And that if I even get a strange feeling, I'm out (i.e. not going to investigate, no proof needed).
So I got that feeling last summer. And some others signs. We had a talk - "I don't love you, I know that you don't love me, let's walk separate ways". I wanted to tell the kids right away, she didn't, and still believing that it would be best if we did it together I didn't.
Well, a week ago shit hit the fan, she was having A. One of my DDs found out, everybody in our sports community found out. WW told another DD that she will tell her something in morning, DD didn't wait, found out from the first DD. Now the only one who doesn't know is our youngest.
I haven't spoken to DDs yet, as I only found that out last night (i.e. about them knowing). This scares and hurts me most.
P.S. Wasn't sure that JFO is the right place, maybe General, but seeing the number of "found out"s in the text...
@DDay#1:
Me: BS, 40; Her: WW, 32 M: 10y, in relationship 15y, 3DD (8,8,6)
Dday#1: Oct, 2016, Dday#2: Jun, 2017
AP#1: COW PA; AP#2: EA/PA 3 months, AP#3: COW PA
Dday#3: probably ~2025 Aug
On the way to divorce.
