In need of mojo to stick to my gut feeling.

I've been single for over 30 years since my ex left me for his mistress. I've had a few relationships, one disastrous which resulted in serious stalking. None of the relationships worked out. There was one that was better than the others, but I always felt his ex wife was on every date with us. I felt like I was constantly being compared to her.

On Christmas night, a full 25 years after we broke up, he showed up at 10:30 pm at my house. He sat on my porch in the freezing cold in a snow fall that was glittery and beautiful. He cried and apologized for our break up. We eventually moved inside and continued to drink wine in my house util 2 am, at which point he asked if I would go to Jamaica with him. I was floored. I said I'd think about it, but in reality I didn't want to hurt his feelings, as he had already been crying.

After a few more impromptu visits, with him being pretty much drunk before he's showed up, he's professed his love for me. How he never stopped loving me. And he's continued to invite me to go to Jamaica with him. I've told him twice I'm not going anywhere, much less Jamaica. I just retired and I need to get on my feet. He's offered to pay. This is called "I'm not taking no for an answer".

After another time he showed up and professed his love for me, I told him three days later I wasn't interested in anything but a platonic relationship. He's truly a good guy. After not hearing from him for about 3 weeks he showed up again. He told me I hurt his feelings.

So about two weeks ago he messaged me and asked if I had updated my passport yet. I've told him twice I'm not going anywhere, and yet it doesn't sink in. We were supposed to go to dinner, my treat, because I'm trying to keep this platonic, but I cancelled because of flooding in our town due to our proximity to the Mississippi River. The next night, I went downtown because I learned that afternoon that that my best friend, who we met for drinks downtown every Friday night, died two days before. Of course we all went, because there was group of us that met every Friday, and we were stunned. This upset him because I cancelled going downtown the night before, due to water shooting out of all the manhole covers downtown. Somehow, when your best fried just dropped dead, you go anyway.

I need mojo to call this guy off. I like him, and part of me loves him, but I have no desire to have a romantic relationship with anyone. The old co dependent tendencies are creeping in. I dread hurting his feelings, at the risk of my own feelings. Please give me a pep talk.

26 comments posted: Thursday, May 4th, 2023