Me: BS - 40
H: WH - 42
2 children
Together for 18 years, married for 9. Thrown away for some side-piece homewrecker.
Sadness
Hi, I posted here when I found out my STBHX had been cheating on me with his coworker back in December of 2018. I found out over a "Secret Chat" message on Facebook while he was too drunk to remember to delete it. Fast forward to now: I had been trying to divorce him for almost two years, having sent him numerous copies of the drafted divorce paperwork to review and sign. He refused to sign, always needing some other small change prior to being ready to sign. He lured me back in over the past six months (all the while still living with his OW) and had me convinced that he was going to "leave her, fix things between us and come back home to make things right". I truly believed him, so much in fact that I let our kids (10 and 7) know his intentions. Well, needless to say that never happened. He has now proposed to the OW and has been having his attorney harass my attorney, stating that he "really wants to get this settled". . . .
All that's left for me is sadness and pain. I let him in only to hurt me again and now I hate myself even more than I did before. How can someone be this cruel? How can someone that claimed to love me rip my heart from my chest and stomp on it AGAIN? And worst of all I hurt my children in the process, letting them believe that this nightmare was finally coming to a close. (They hate the OW and hate being at their house - in their words filled with drama, yelling and screaming and drinking.)
I guess my question is how do I get over this? How do I let this sadness and fear and betrayal go, knowing I will have to have this man in my life in some regard for the rest of my life?
My kids are in therapy, I currently cannot afford therapy for myself as I am going to lose my insurance coverage when the divorce is final. I am in the process of obtaining insurance on my own and will have to explore my options there once that is complete.
I'm sorry if this comes off as rambling. My family is tired of listening to my troubles and I have no friends, having given them all up years ago to make him happy. Thank you for reading, it's nice to know I can vent here to people that know how I feel.
6 comments posted: Tuesday, September 21st, 2021
