Me: BS (61)
WW: 57
M: 33, together 37
2 grown girls
DDay: 2/13/16. Happy Valentines Day, chump!

Slowly reconciling.

OM died - was my reaction out of line?

Thought I'd update this with some answers to questions as well as un update.

As for my wife giving it air time, I had asked her if there is any contact or mention of OM, I am to know about it. Simply because if I found out about it without her telling me, we're done. I have a zero tolerance for this shit now.

We never really had closure with her affair with the OM. It was more like "I fucked up, I will NEVER do it again, I don't wanna discuss this any further. I went to therapy, I'm doing everything I can....", y'know, the usual BS of not accepting responsibility.

Why is she still in contact with their social circle? Well, we kinda both are, I'm just not as close as she is. NONE of them know about the affair. Yet. I plan to let that cat out of the bag after our recent discussion.

THE DISCUSSION: So she seemed rather quiet the next day. I didn't bring it up, I wanted to see where it was going to go. Sure enough, IT comes up. "I need you to understand something", she said. "This affair was 50/50 - I wasn't tricked, seduced, whatever, I went along with it because we were having so many marital issues at the time. When you caught me, my world collapsed. I couldn't believe I did such a shitty thing to you. THere is NO excuse for what I did. But for you to wish him dead, being that I was 50% responsible for the affair, you may as well wished ME dead, too. That is a hard pill to swallow."

"Sematics", I told her. "That's a sidetrack and you know it. And thanks for the reminder that he was 50% and I was 0%. You don't get to cop out of this, I clearly remember our difficult time and how you REFUSED counseling. Then you tried your religious bullshit, how you prayed to God for an answer - when there I was, asking you to see a marriage counselor."

Then the tears started flowing. "You're never going to forget this, you're always going to remind me about it" When that starts, I just clam up and let her cry. She's seeing a new therapist now, she can vent to him.

8 comments posted: Thursday, October 9th, 2025

OM died. Was my reaction out of line?

So yesterday, my wife went to lunch with an old work friend. (they worked with OM together.)

Her affair was 10 years ago. She told me during their lunch, she found out that OM died of cancer.

I just laughed. She looked at me and said that’s pretty rude, he’s leaving behind a daughter.

I double down and said do you know where his grave is, I’d like to piss on it.

Am I being the asshole?

28 comments posted: Thursday, October 2nd, 2025

"I don't remember!!!"

I am close to 9 years out. Its rarely spoken about, I feel that things are going as well as they could be. OM is out of the picture (even out of the country), he is divorced now and last I checked his SM, he's shacked up with a slut half his age. Open phone policy, passwords, etc.

So I was a little surprised when she asked me about Whatsapp. Asked me if I knew how it works, do I have it, etc.....

A little backstory on Whatsapp - when I first busted her, I hooked her Android up to my computer and went through every single file I could find. I came across Whatsapp and tore it apart, I found several sent pics, showing super revealing cleavage with her face included. I was livid, but never mentioned it to her at the time, since I was dealing with so much other crap found.

So I played along and asked her why she wanted it. She said her friend uses it and friend wanted her to use it since that's the only way friend communicates. (Friend is an older lady who is very tech challenged). So I wound up telling WW that I'm not comfortable with her having it because of her affair. WW was like, what are you talking about? So I told her the whole story about how I picked apart her old phone, file by file, and came across her whatsapp folder and found pics on it. She's like, "I had whatsapp? Do you still have the pics? I swear, I don't ever remember using it or even having it." Of course, the phone and files are long gone, so there's no evidence now. "I've been an open book for almost 9 years, why would I blow it now? Why would I even ask if I thought this would be a trigger? I swear, I had no idea I used it, if I did, I just don't remember....it was 9 years ago...and what I DO remember is everytime i tried to lie my way out of something, you caught me, so I've been as honest as I can be. You have my fuil permission to look through everything whatsapp related on here if you want" - and handed me the phone.

Is this possible? I mean, tbh, the further away this affair goes, the less I'm remembering. Whats everyones thoughts on this? Oh yeah, I let her add whatsapp to her phone, but she hasn't even used it yet.

22 comments posted: Thursday, September 12th, 2024

I don't want to reconcile anymore

Mod - pls delete

6 comments posted: Tuesday, August 22nd, 2023