Feeling down again

Hi, I know I posted something similar to this a few months ago but I need to know if other people are going through similar emotional swings as I am. I just need to know that it is normal.

I found out about my ex's affair on June 9, 2019 and divorced April 2020. It was a huge surprise to me and I was caught completely off guard, she was my sole mate (I thought) and my very best friend.

Anyway, I Moved to my own place in April 2020 and our 4 kids came with me. Things were a bit emotionally hard in the beginning and then slowly I started feeling much better. I felt almost normal or at least partly back to normal. My ex and I interacted a little at the end of December last year (and got intimate *not my finest moment*). I did tell her I wasn't interested in being in a relationship because she needed to work on herself and that maybe in future we could get together as equals (without the weird power shift dynamic). Soon after (days after) she got a boyfriend and we have not had contact since.

Since then I have been a shadow of my former self. People here have said that I am suffering from hope-ium... and at first I thought 'no way' but now I think... 'yes, probably'.

I was wondering if these wild emotional swings are normal and it is all part of the normal healing process. I understand that the interaction we had last December didn't help things and just confused the hell out of me... but I don't know how out of the ordinary that interaction was, I believe it happens from time to time.

9 comments posted: Friday, July 8th, 2022

Two Year Bounce ?

Hi,

I've been divorced almost two years now (April 1 will be two years)... and I have been through quite a rollercoaster over these past two years. But was very strong for the last year, very strong and very stable. Towards the end of last year my ex made it clear that she would do anything to get back together with me as I was 'the perfect husband'. I said to her 'you need to work on yourself, maybe in a year when you are stable we can meet again as equals and see how it goes from there'. Anyway I don't think she understood what I meant and wanted to get back together right away.

I didn't speak to her for about a week and in that time she found a new boyfriend. I have stayed away completely and given her space to do her thing.

My problem now is that I have had a complete backstep in my emotions and am not strong anymore.

Is this normal ? to have a backstep after 2 years or is it because I let her back into my head ?

17 comments posted: Wednesday, March 23rd, 2022

Why am I feeling this way ?

Hi, maybe some of you know my story but I was divorced in April 2020, just a few short months ago.

I did not think this would happen to me, I thought we were a perfect couple but she was not willing to try save the marriage so what choice did I have.

Anyway, for the past few months I have been quietly getting on.. slowly, very slowly building up my emotions and self confidence. About 2 weeks ago I found out she was seeing the OM, the OM that broke up our marriage and family. I was away when I found out (which was good) and was able to work through all the emotions myself. Then when I got back I needed to fix something at the house we still owned and are trying to sell. That day I told her that I am letting go completely of her, I felt so liberated like a huge burden was lifted from my shoulders. I left and had a really great evening.

The next day I needed to go back and help with the yard as we were having new photos taken of the house, later that day she came up to me, grabbed my hand and started crying so hard saying "I'm so so so so so sorry for what I have done to you, to us" ... etc etc. She said I was an excellent husband and carried on and on with the tears. I didn't say anything other than "I will be ok" to which she answered "I know you will be".

So from that moment onwards I have been an absolute mess! I am in an emotional gutter and I can't stand the power she has over me. Yesterday we had an hours long texting argument (not a fight, there were no angry words) and it has left me sick to my stomach!

What has happened to me, how did I go from being so confident and strong to this wreck I am right now ? Do you think she did it to get inside my head, when I finally let go of her ?

17 comments posted: Thursday, July 30th, 2020