Feeling the joy of life again - It does get better

Hello everyone. I'm at a point in my life where I feel comfortable posting in this forum. So, here's my update:

I'm 9 months post DDay 2. XWS and I were together for over a decade, never married, no kids. To say I feel lighter and more free than I ever have now that I've left him is an understatement. No more worrying about his lies, no more navigating his immaturity or worrying over his bad coping habits. Nothing! I have my own place, I've put in the effort to make a couple of new friends who have been wonderful so far, and I've kept up taking care of myself through the whole process. The future is still murky and a little scary, but I'm determined to work through it.

The first few months were brutal, even the second time, I won't lie. Many times I felt like there really was no light at the end of the tunnel. Everything felt so terrible and hurt so much, how could I recover? How could I see myself with anyone else? But I did start to recover. With the rose coloured glasses knocked completely off I felt something shift inside me. My feelings for WS were now completely tainted and once I realized that I began to swiftly emotionally detach. Do I still care about him? Yes. Do I still get a tinge of sadness now and again? Certainly. That will take a little more time to heal, but the good feelings now outweigh the bad. I'm excited for life, excited for my future, and excited to actually date for the first time.

To those who are in limbo or have suffered through multiple DDays, I have to say from my own experience, staying with a partner after being betrayed so completely is a death sentence. The weight that falls from your shoulders when you actually let go of that person and the relationship you thought you had is so eye-opening. Despite all of the pain I feel stronger and more capable going forward. Life is my oyster.

All the best to you SI,

WG

6 comments posted: Monday, August 7th, 2023

On the road to beginning anew and feeling hopeless

Had to be removed for privacy

7 comments posted: Monday, March 13th, 2023

Here I am again, for the last time, no third chances

Hey everyone. WH and I are early 30's. Been together over a decade. Not married. No Kids.

WH had an online EA years ago. We decided to R, he did everything you'd expect a truly remorseful partner to do. I really thought, after years, we had R'd very well.

Then, I had a feeling.

I found evidence he'd been doing the exact same thing as the first EA.

I told him that was it, and we're going through separation. I just feel..so numb. He says he's ruined the best thing he ever had, I agreed. He said he's mentally fucked up and self-sabotages, I agreed. He's been sobbing and I've been largely ignoring him.

I was colder to him than I've ever been in my life during these talks, and I've never been cold to him.

I need some guidance on what on earth I should do. We live together in an apt, share finances, share a car.

The first time the EA happened, I didn't tell a soul. Since we decided to R, I think it was a good idea. However this time..Things are different. We're splitting, and our social life is too intertwined for it to be kept under wraps. Does it matter when I tell our friends and family?

I initially planned on telling our 3 closest friends about it tonight. Is that too soon?

How should I go about separating our lives?

Thank you

74 comments posted: Thursday, December 1st, 2022

How to approach a gut feeling during R

EDIT: Taken care of, thank you

11 comments posted: Tuesday, November 8th, 2022

How do you get over the hate for the AP? (moved to General)

  This Topic has been moved to General

0 comment posted: Sunday, November 6th, 2022

I'm struggling

thank you

6 comments posted: Wednesday, October 5th, 2022

Feelings hiccups in R 5 years out

Removed, thank you guys. Even one reply helps.

1 comment posted: Friday, September 30th, 2022