I’m trying

I can’t count how many times she has told me "I’m leaving you," and "I’m divorcing you." I have the divorce papers, but I can’t seem to let go of that last shred of hope. My intellect, and my emotions do not see eye to eye. I want them to be on the same page. I’m overwhelmed with sadness, loneliness, anger, frustration, and obsessive thoughts. I don’t have a support system, I work alone, and I rarely interact with another human. I see a counselor once a week. I feel like all this is endless. Day after day after day…

3 comments posted: Wednesday, April 5th, 2023

Relief and Crushing Sadness

I was served divorce papers yesterday. It wasn’t a surprise, but it was the end. She moved in with her married affair partner five months ago. During this time we’ve communicated via email. I’ve tried to convince her in every way imaginable to come home, but to no avail. Why did I do that? 1) I love her. 2) We had a good and happy marriage from my perspective. 3) She is emotionally immature combined with attachment issues. From what I’ve learned, those issues can be worked on in counseling. 4) I’m an idiot.

I feel this entire fiasco is just stupid. She has mental health issues, she admits she needs help, but refuses to get help. She has run away from every relationship she’s ever had. I also believe her affair stems from unresolved grief from the recent death of her parents. She just refuses to get help. I’ve tried to help her, but it’s over now. All that insight doesn’t stop the pain. The affair and the divorce is the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. I don’t have a support system, and every day has been worse than the day before. Maybe now things will start to get better.

6 comments posted: Sunday, April 2nd, 2023