hard to move on

Almost a year and a half has happened since my last message. Not sure where to post this.

A quick run down...

* in December of 2022 I found out my partner of 10 years was having an affair. We were not married but we were a COUPLE! LIFE PARTNERS! I know we were good together.

* I found this out after she moved to a new city for work and she ended it with me. We both travel a lot and have done long distance before so the distance should not have been a big deal.

* she said it was over. She was in love with another

* next 4 months I threw myself into the world... did my best to exist and I guess not hurt

* after 4 months my ex and I started communicating and seeing each other fairly regularly. She says she is working on ending the relationship with the other man

* after 8 months she sounded like she wanted to make it work. In her words communication with the other man has stopped

* this January she said does not want to be in a relationship (things like couples therapy are off, which we never did). We have been together frequently and it felt good!! ...this was quite a surprise to me!

* after she still wants to communicate and see me like we are a couple almost. It feels like nothing has changed

* during this whole time I feel like I am going crazy! She cannot talk about anything real. She shuts down. We get along fine as long as we avoid discussions about commitment/future

I feel I am at the point I just need to put this down. This living in limbo is bad for me!!! But for some reason I can't!! It feels like an addiction. I think it is not healthy for me.

I wish I knew how to just quit caring and having feelings and hopes and just let go.

I am sooooo confused!!! And feeling like an idiot when I look at my history and how I continue the same actions. I feel like I spend an embarrassing amount of my life thinking about how I can somehow make it all ok. Counting the days until I can see her. Waiting for her to message me back. It feels like I have no control over anything. It's taking over my life. I keep waiting for her to do something (sounds so stupid). To turn the corner or disappear.

ugggh!!!!

11 comments posted: Tuesday, April 23rd, 2024

my WW tried to chat me up

My WW tried to chat me up. She is still in an emotional affair with the other man. We are newly separated. D-Day was less than a week ago. I am proud of myself with how I handled the conversation. A few of the choice bits :

If you have a relationship with him you will not have one with me.
If you sever that relationship, I think there are so many possibilities for us.

It's toxic, negative, down low and all together a dark negative energy which I have been feeling for a while
If you sever it we are fine. Otherwise you are damaging me without care I don't need anyone actively practicing that in my life. If you want it that's you. I get it. But I will not except that in my life

I have hope for us. Friendship or something more . But to be blunt pull your head out of your ass.
As long as you have a relationship with him, you will never see me again. I see no reason to accept that negative energy in my life.

Honestly, it's shocking and disrespectful that you did not understand this. Just intrinsically.
What happened to you?!?? I know you're in there. I just don't understand
Please salvage yourself.

Reminds me of cancer to be honest. I have no idea why you would welcome that into your life. It is literally destroying everything about the structure of your life.
Enough said I suppose.

Once again, I truly love you and hope you can find the wisdom you need

Hopefully that deters further contact. Maybe she will pull her head out but it seems firmly stuck! I just can not except this in my life

7 comments posted: Saturday, December 31st, 2022

guess its is over

My partner said it is over. She can not deal with all the damage caused by her emotional affair.

I thought we could figure it out. Put myself out there but it is done. I need to go no contact now. I have a trip planned to Amsterdam staring the 1st of January but it will be hard until then! (probably hard after).

Today it is really hard not to reach out and tell her "noooooooooo!" I know it is hopeless by my heart has not caught up yet.

so so sad today

4 comments posted: Tuesday, December 27th, 2022

what is next!?!?!

My partner just said they are done. They found a new person who is not me. It is a shock!!!! Not sure what next steps are. I am devastated by my personality is an "always moving forward" type of momentum. I am exploring dating apps and what not to get them out of the way. Find a good fit.

Anyone else in the same boat?

2 comments posted: Tuesday, December 27th, 2022

she is in love with another man (moved to General)

  This Topic has been moved to General

0 comment posted: Tuesday, December 27th, 2022

Question on revealing sources of info

I just found out my spouse is at least having an emotional affair. What I found was via :
* an old i-pad with an old key code I knew. It allowed me to see a few texts
* she had a apple watch which would show a few of her texts

Both of these sources are pretty much dead. I will not get more info.

What I found was a text saying "I feel so bad. I think I am in love with this other man"

Yesterday I reviled to her I knew she was in love with another man and she should peruse that. She wants to talk today. I do not want to give away my sources!!! But what do I say? I guess I have some small hope for us and I know the invasion of her privacy is going to be yet another issue.

Do I just say "Leave it that I found out. What does this mean for us?"

12 comments posted: Tuesday, December 27th, 2022