Just feel broken and emotional drained 😞

Just venting and wanting some comforting words as life is pretty painful and devastating at the moment- trying to be strong for my 2 children.

Husband of 18 years a few weeks ago text me whilst I was at work to tell me our marriage was over, he had no more energy and has given up! Can’t forgive himself what he’s done in the past so we need a fresh start! 3 years ago he was unfaithful with OW from my boys school (also had a family). Endured his lies and hurtful behaviour. Slept with OW and others during our separation. He blamed it on depression and I had neglected him. (Working full time from home and I put my energy in homeschooling boys during covid!) My dad passed away during this time and I had no support from him just him sleeping around! (Early years of relationship before kids he also messaged random women inappropriately but again I forgave him).

I was obviously heartbroken that our family could be broken and I just wanted that security so I never let him go! I begged and continued to be in his life even though I knew what he was getting up to. Because of his indecisiveness he moved out as I wanted him to realise we weren’t 2nd/3rd best and that he’d made a huge mistake.

After all this…. I at the time believed family should be together and could see how much it hurt my boys and he was all I had ever known since an early age! So I accepted him back last year and we were working on our marriage. His mental health was still not great - he had low days (practically told me to leave him be) to get his head straight then he would pick up after a day or two…. Refused doctors (already been on antidepressants and said he no longer needed them). I thought we were progressing…. It was hard and time was needed to heal…. He started having more good days and I felt like we were getting back to some level of that loving family unit again and us together was getting better……Not all rosy but things were progressing in I thought the right direction.

Fast forward to December…. All changed - he got ill then no energy- out with work colleagues he would not usually go out with. Being more and more distant towards me after Christmas ( we had an ok Christmas- more good days than bad) He Ignored me more, acted like anything I said meant nothing and shut me down, physically and emotionally withdrawn from me, but got the "it’s not us….. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be " January I put his behaviour down to withdrawing from quitting smoking - basically became the silent wife… just trying to understand where his head was and still supporting him…..emotionally draining! But then he started leaving work early and late…. Said dropping off male colleague ect…. Things didn’t add up so I did start questioning him and he became angry and defensive towards me.

So then get that text ending it…. Wouldn’t talk about it even though we had promised if any of us got so low because of the past we would discuss it together!…..Denied anyone else but whilst he supposedly going out with friends I found the email of him and OW (works with) applying for houses together! She has a kid (not his as previous affair was another women) Told me it was different from last time and they grew close after…. ??What within a week of ending our marriage you’re in a relationship and planning to move in with said person and child! Red flags- clearly his change of behaviour over the last couple of months towards me, marriage and children were due to him having fun at work with OW! Running away from the problems he caused in the past, focusing that energy on OW giving him attention.

So he’s left and is now living with OW and child who he barely knows. Our children are so upset, more so my eldest as he understands more. They are aware of OW but it has been explained in a way appropriate for them. I had to be honest this time especially because he has moved in with OW. He is one to be selfish and rush our boys so I made it clear it would be far too early to introduce OW and my children don’t want to and advised he spend quality time with them to build a relationship up with them first.

He doesn’t really prioritise his kids but does OW . They are devastated…. I think because he came back last year and within 10 months he left again! So very confusing for them. He’s previously been open he’s felt neglected since children and hadn’t really been hands on with them! I don’t speak bad of him to my kids but obviously seeing him daily to only 2-3 hours a week that he seems to only manage is hard for them. I’m doing what I can, keep routines as normal as possible and trying to have lots of fun but I’m just emotionally drained.

I feel like Ive let my kids down by giving their dad another chance coming back which was difficult to then go off with another women and leave us heartbroken again. I just want to protect them so I know in time we will heal…. But it’s so hard.

I burst into tears, not sleeping or eating properly, my head is just full of thinking constantly but trying to be strong for my boys… making sure they are ok. I have accepted it’s over (lots of hurt and pain in the past he’s caused - lots of lies and deception and things he’s put me through I haven’t put on here! - supported him and forgave through thick and thin…. I have no more to give)

Why keep taking him back… because I loved him, because I wanted a loving family unit, he’s good with words, I believed he would change and still saw some good in him, I didn’t think he’d do it again after the pain we went through last time!

Just some comforting words of wisdom to get me through this difficult time 🥺

19 comments posted: Tuesday, March 14th, 2023