The Truth Keeps Trickling Out

I found out on March 16/23 that my husband was having an affair with an ex from 20 years ago. I (F54) have been married to him (M55) since August of 2019. When I initially discovered the affair he stated that it started in October of 2019. Last night he admitted that they started texting each other in January of 2018. If I had known about it then, I would have never married him but he took that option away from me. We have been together since May of 2012 so for half of our relationship, he has been involved with his AP, first as an EA, then it turned into a PA.

I feel like I don't even know this man. He was an expert at lying and deception and put a lot of effort into both keeping the affair going and keeping it a secret. I was committed to reconciliation until I found out the true date when they started communicating. Now I'm not so sure. We are both in IC and MC will start once I work through the pain of finding out. The trouble is, I keep finding out little bits of truth that were not disclosed at the beginning. It's like being blindsided over and over again and how am I supposed to work through anything when I don't even know the full truth? Each time I think "Okay, I know all I need to know" a little bit more comes out and I'm right back to square 1.

I'm numb right now. I don't know if I want to continue with reconciliation. Clearly, I've essentially been "on my own" for 5 1/2 years. Financially I can afford to be on my own, it might be tight but I can still do it. Is there anyone who has been in similar circumstances who was able to successfully reconcile or am I just wasting more of my precious life on someone who only sees what he had now that he's about to lose it all?

14 comments posted: Tuesday, April 11th, 2023