How to Get Unstuck... Help Needed

I am new here and this is just my second post so I will give some background. D-Day was a month ago. I had an EA with someone I met at an event which continued for 2 weeks. But I didn't tell her the whole truth: 2 previous EAs until two days ago when I decided to come clean. My BS was initially grateful I told her the truth, called it unselfish, but after processing it, she is completely broken as I cheated throughout our marriage. She has cancelled IC and doesn't want to do any more work to heal. I am so scared she is getting into depression. She told me she feels stuck as she can't leave and I finally understood what she means. It's not just financial security, which I have promised to provide indefinitely even if she leaves, but it is also the real sacrifice she made to be with me. I won't go into details but they are real, painful and now she feels like they are useless.

Help please: how do I help her get away from the feeling of being unstuck? Does this get better?

2 comments posted: Wednesday, January 29th, 2025

Why can't I stop lying?

My BP caught me about 4 weeks ago after having an emotional affair with someone I met at a conference. The affair lasted 2 weeks before my BP found the text messages. She asked me for the truth and I told her everything but not all at once, there was a lot of trickle truth, some on purpose, but some because I couldn't remember as I had deleted some of the communication. It was a terrible time and we briefly separated but after coming back together, we both started IC and it looked promising until today, when she went through my phone and saw I deleted messages with another person. We were able to get the messages after I wrote to the other person and while they were flirtatious and still wrong, they were not as explicit as the previous ones. Here is my problem though: I never volunteered the truth and in all these scenarios my BP is the one who caught me. To make it worse, for the incident today, I texted the person secretly on the side and asked her not to send those messages and deleted messages again but when my BP confronted me, I ended up telling her the truth. But only when she confronted me... And she says everything may have been forgivable if I just didn't text the other person to hide the messages.
Why can't I stop lying? Why do I keep telling half truths? It seems Everytime I want to tell the truth, something physically holds me back.

2 comments posted: Saturday, January 25th, 2025