D day June 2022
Got married April 2024
Long road to recovery. We are mostly there with occasional bumps x
how long can you reasonably ask for reassurance for your WS?
3 years on... Things are great day to day, while I try to forget what went on. But (and I know this sounds crazy) he cheated on me after we'd been together for 3 years. We are now 3 years post D day and I'm worried. I asked him if he has a 3 year boredom threshold. He told me not to be daft, of course he doesn't. I've asked him today for reassurance which he hasn't given to me (I said I just need to know you're happy and that I'm safe...he parroted 'i'm happy, you're safe'). I think he gets sick of reassuring me and I get sick of needing reassurance. But surely it's part of the deal? He ends up feeling like I'm accusing him again, and I worry when he doesn't reassure me, that it's because something is going on.
Help, these thoughts spiral and send me crazy 💔😢 I feel like I'm going insane sometimes. Anyone else?
(I have to add, that sometimes he's great at reassuring me, and makes me feel safe, and other times he's really really not 😞😞)
3 comments posted: Friday, August 15th, 2025
3+ years on, I still have questions.... Do I ask them or let sleeping dogs lie?
D day was over 3 years ago. We subsequently married (2 years afterwards) and life is amazing. I still struggle from time to time and think about the affair a lot but we both learned from it, changed our lives and are living (mostly) happily ever after. Our relationship is better than before for sure.
I am getting obsessive thoughts though, I want to discuss it all, and ask questions (and possibly throw recriminations if I'm being really honest). I did plenty of that for the first year. Thing is, there is stuff I still don't know. I didn't go down the route of getting every single detail because I couldn't bear the pain and I would have probably physically hurt him.
I have niggling questions. He obviously would prefer we never mention it again due to the shame and guilt he feels and he hates that he hurt me so much.
I don't know what I would achieve by asking. But they aren't going away. Do I ask? Or just hope they recede in time and accept I will ever get full closure on everything?
Any help welcome thank you 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
6 comments posted: Sunday, June 22nd, 2025
