I am the wayward spouse. Reconciling but Struggling.

Struggling to Reconcile Because of Failed Weightloss

I (32F) cheated on my husband (38m) 14 months ago. It was a drunken one night stand with a girl I've never met before and havent seen since.

The guilt and shame was eating me alive so I told him a few days later.

Since then, I have given up drinking, given him full access with my phone, laptop, and emails. I have done everything he has asked me to do including quit my job, got rid of all my smutty books, got rid of all my ugly underwear and sleeping clothes that he didnt like and he now has say over what I wear day and night. I have also recommitted myself to keeping the house as clean as he likes it.

I thought we were on the right path to forgiveness and reconciliation until a few days ago

We had a huge fight because I am not losing weight fast enough.

For context, his number 1 emotional need is Physical Atttactiveness. My weight has always been a point of contention in our relationship. Our biggest fight happened a few months before the A. The fight started because he saw fast food wrappers in the car and he told me he thought women should weigh less than their husband.

Since the DD, I committed myself to reconciliation and lost 30 pounds. I am now stronger and leaner than I have ever been but he says I need to lose 20 more pounds. I told him I wanted to focus on getting stronger not leaner but he wouldn't have it. He then said he felt like I hadn't done anything towards reconciliation and that I wasnt committed enough.

I started having a panic attack, feeling like I could never do enough to make up for my mistake and our love would always depend on my weight no matter what I did. And that I would never have the right to advocate for my needs in the relationship because I am the one who messed up.

Am I the one in the wrong?

Male Betrayed Spouses, is it normal to need your wife to lose weight for her to recieve forgiveness in path of reconciliation?

Help me understand it, please.

At this time, I am sleeping on the couch because I am struggling to understand and accept this. But if you tell me this is normal, I will change my workout routine and recommit myself to this.

Thank you for your time. Long time reader. First time poster.

5 comments posted: Thursday, August 20th, 2026

I Cheated And Now He Wants Me To Lose Weight

I (32F) and my husband (38M) have been married for 14 years. I had a drunken one night stand 14 months ago with a woman I had never met and have never seen again. The guilt and shame ate me alive so i told him a few days later.

I did everything he asked me to. I got sober and have not touched alcohol since. He now has say over who I hang out with and how long I hang out with them. He asked me to quit my job, so I did. He asked me to get rid of my smutty books, so I did. He asked me to get rid of all my ugly pajama clothes and wear girl clothes to bed, so I did.

The one thing he has asked me to do that I am struggling with is to lose weight. At DDay, I weighed 195 pounds and he wanted me to weigh 140-150 pounds.

I lost 30 pounds over the span of the first 9 months but the weightloss has since staggered. But I am now leaner and stronger then I have ever been my whole life.

Out of nowhere, we ended up having a big fight about my weight a few days ago. He says because my weightloss has become stagnant, it is proof that I am not committing myself to reconciliation. He then claimed I have done nothing towards reconciliation and when I tried to list off everything I have done, he shut me down and told me to stop talking.

I listened to him try to explain why he needed me to lose weight and I tried to listen and understand, but it hurt to hear. My self-esteem took a huge hit to hear what he thinks of my body and I started hyperventilating when he tried to touch me.

I am still hyperaware of my loose skin, touching thighs, and sagging. I am not comfortable with him touching me. He said since I am not comfortable with him touching me, I might as well sleep in another room.

So I am now sleeping on the couch.

Wayward wives, did your husband make you lose weight to forgive you? How did you get through that without taking it personally? I don't want to divorce. I want reconcilation but I am struggling with understanding what my weight has to do with reconciliation.

1 comment posted: Thursday, August 20th, 2026