SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So I am wondering if anyone else has had to deal with breaking down curled up in a ball sobbing while going through the divorce process. It's been a couple of years since I have seen my WS and still I am not free. It doesn't help that I am swimming in debt and see no way that they court will act quickly to set me free.

There are days where I do not think I can get up again to continue to fight him.

Days I wonder how I married a monster. Days I question my own perception of reality..which is why I kept the actual bathroom door he punched in several places leaving big holes just sitting in the garage in case I need to remind myself.

Oh Shehawk...YES YES YES. I am completely there with you right now. I keep looking at the corner of my bedroom. I want to curl up in the corner there, on the floor, in a tight little ball with my hands over my head. I want to lock all my doors and not let anyone in, and not go to court, and not answer the phone. I want to hide and just make it all go away.

Like you, it helps when I remind myself what a monster stbx is. Sometimes I wish he would just spiral and end up with a bunch of mugshots online that I could Google. (I have a friend whose husband spiraled and I told her I'm jealous because it is so obvious to the outside world how awful he is, whereas my ex is so cunning and manipulative, that he looks normal to the average person who doesn't know him).

(((Shehawk)))

It doesn't help that I am swimming in debt and see no way that they court will act quickly to set me free.

It is normal. The two years not seeing him doesn't stop the fact that this is still in process for you. You are still going through it until this is finally settled. That's why they count the time recovering from divorce from the divorce date, not the separation date.

Being financially unsettled is awful, but once you know where you stand you can plan and act accordingly. There are always steps to take to move forward. Even if it's a long path, it will get better.

When you say no way the court will act quickly, is that waiting for finalizing the divorce or a separate financial matter?

Anna

Unfortunately the divorce.

Our agreement when I filed was that we would settle immediately by agreement if I filed in a state that was no fault rather than seeking . I did and it's been the worst mistake of my life believing him. My first attorney said I should not have filed without the signed agreement in hand. Fine time for him to tell me that about a year in...

I am so sorry you are going through this trying and difficult time. Just keep telling yourself you will be stronger because of it and that the future will be brighter.

Thanks Fof!

O

ur agreement when I filed was that we would settle immediately by agreement if I filed in a state that was no fault rather than seeking

Ugh, I'm so sorry. I assume now he is not honoring his agreement and trying to get every asset he can?

These cheaters really are something else. I'm dealing with something somewhat different, but with the same motives. Just remind yourself that the ultimate blow is that we are divorcing them. That is something they will never get over.

It is normal. That doesn’t make it less painful. I kept voicemail recordings from OW to xH and listened to them every time I broke down or he tried to manipulate me. It’s not healthy I think but it helped me with my resolve. One step at a time; I too was left with over 50k in debt and did what I had to do for two years - take in a renter and took on side jobs. But I was in control and today I am not worried about living paycheck to paycheck and am in way better shape I ever was before and during my marriage.

You can do this; allow yourself the grieving and despair at times and then keep pushing forward.

Thanks frauken.

I am house sharing to keep the lights on. That and I was so sick from Lyme when I caught wh cheating that I was supposed to get IV antibiotics AND he left me with no vehicle (took 2 and put them in his name).

My housemate mows the grass, cut up trees that fell in the yard etc. They kept the propane tank filled this winter.

Never once in more than two years has my wh ever even as much asked me how I was doing.

I have someone in the house who made sure I could get groceries and to do doctors etc and they would have taken care of me while I was getting the IV antibiotics to keep me out of a care center/hospital so I could do home infusion. As it turned out I am in remission as best I can tell...

My health is definitely better.

Thanks for your insight and hope from the other side.