SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

a little over 2 years ago BS gave me an ultimatum to quit my job where I had a very inappropriate relationship with the CEO and focus on the family I got frustrated and angry because I had recently got the job and did not want to lose it, and I minimized the whole thing because it wasn't sexual. I got angry and punched a post and said no I wanted to keep the job. That was my last chance.

2 years later through many ups and downs I am asking for a "Final Chance." Is there a Final chance after the last chance?

It depends. What's different about you now? Why do you deserve a final chance? It's your job to convince your spouse that giving you a final chance is beneficial somehow. Don't expect it as a gift.

[This message edited by DaddyDom at 11:13 PM, Monday, February 14th]

I think there is a point where it isn't fair to even ask. If you do the work in the full knowledge that it may be too late for your marriage, it will pay dividends for its own sake, and if she sees genuine effort, there is a slim chance she will offer you a final chance proactively. However, it's been a decade of "last chances." That puts you too deep in debt to ask her to extend credit again.

Normally I'm all about extending that grace we have already received as waywards who are genuinely trying to make improvements and figuring out how to do that. In a lot of ways its freshly new learned behaviors that we are trying to implement but sometimes fall short in our practice of it as with any new skill we are not masters in the beginning.

However, I sense some panic from you as you are set to move out. A little desperation even? You have Multiple post back to back recently after not posting for a bit. They are all over the place and while they don't resemble one another topic-wise, there is a hint of something more to do with it. I just don't know how to pin it down.

It's okay to be panicked and whatever else as you face the end of the road. And I'm really trying to choose my words as to not come off as insensitive to your plight here. But I'm shaking my head in pure amazement that you would even consider asking for a final "final" chance. There comes a time that you have to say enough is enough. Your BS can only take so much and it seems you've given her plenty of pain to last a life time and the next.

It would be extremely selfish of you.

And I hate to be a naysayer, but would anything really be that different? What has changed so much that this hail mary would actually make it worthwhile? In my opinion she's been more than generous with you. She's made it clear what she wants and needs at this time, and if I were in your shoes I'd respect the hell out of it.

She asked you to do one of the most basic things,that most BS require their WS to do. Leave the work place,if you had an affair, of any kind,while there.

You chose anger and violence as a response.

I'm familiar with your posts. You were never attempting true R, because you denied her what she NEEDED you to do. For 2 years.

Is there a Final chance after the last chance?

No. She's done. You had 2 years to do the most basic things she needed. You continued to minimise her,and her feelings. For 2 years.

The kindest thing you can do for her,is file for divorce, and not try to take her pension,or her home, from her. You were not nice to her, during your marriage. Be kind to her in the divorce.

[This message edited by HellFire at 2:50 PM, Tuesday, February 15th]

Are you my wife? She didn't punch a post but she minimized her EA and fought hard to keep her job where AP worked.

Anyway. The answer is maybe. I asked for a divorce
one year after dday, and it was only then that my wife actually did the work and led the effort of repair. That included finding a new job.

What have you done to own the damage you have done and lead the repair efforts?