SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My father died recently. I am in my late 50s and have many siblings. My dad left my mom for an AP when I was in college. He had then been sick for a few years, and my mother and siblings managed his health care and the family business. Thats when he had the free time to take up with AP. It was painful for the entire family. I was always somewhat protected as the little sister far away in college who should be protected.

My parents' separation and divorce was terrible. My father was terrible. He felt entitled to keep any asset as his and fought brutally.

My father was off and on with the AP as a companion for years. They never married. Ap had drug and alcohol issues and died young. She had a daughter from a previous relationship a little younger than me. My father was quite close to her. I think. Although he was embarrassed of her when i met her, he later spoke highly of her and her children.

My father's death has brought up all of the old pain of my father's treatment of mother for my siblings and me.

The AP's daughter produced a hand-written will. She also showed a video of my father writing it taken on her phone. It shows his estate to be divided equally with her receiving the same share as the children and also being co-executor with one of my siblings.

For some reason i cant exactly explain, I have found the hand-written, solo, taped aspects super creepy. It is a 7 figure estate at least. My father's brother and nephew are attorneys. It's just weird.

Also, my sibling who is on several of my father's accounts and the supposed co-executor, found a hand written paper from AP's daughter saying she will relinquish any claim to the estate if she can keep a certain house. My dad apparently recently bought her a house and car.

AP's daughter has retained her own attorney trying to pressure my sibling to filing the will with the courts. In speaking with most of my siblings, we've agreed we dont care to put our life energy into fighting this. Yet we have two siblings who are disabled and/or have health issues. They need to be cared for.

My co-executor sibling has had a hard time finding an attorney. It's looking better though.

I don't know anything about law. I Googled valid will in that US state, and it says it has to be written and signed with also two valid witnesses. It's only AP's daughter as witness. Also valid witnesses have to be impartial or only entitled to what they would get if it were in testate, or whatever the term is if there were no will. She would be entitled to nothing.

Yet, I can't help feeling my father wrote that will in front of her with the full knowledge it wouldn't be valid. Yup, he's that kind of person. And there's so much pain going around for my siblings right now.

Thanks dad. Way to step up one last f$#^ing time for your family.

I am so sorry for all you are going through. From my experience, there would need to be two witnesses. Was there another will that does appear to be valid? If this one is ruled invalid, which it should be, this AP daughter has no claim to the estate as she is not a relative. I would say call around to attorneys and see if it is even valid and get her booted right away. My fear if you go ahead and file it to appease her and end the fight is that she tries to come up with more demands or more "written" needs. Fight it. It should be a closed case rather quickly if it is ruled invalid or if another valid will is brought up.

He sounds terrible!

humantrampoline - you DEFINITELY need to hire a lawyer well versed in Estate law. (not ny forte at all)

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.

Just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are dealing with this.

((Virtual Hugs))

She’s not a legal heir by blood.

She had a verbal Will which may or may not be valid. Different laws for different states.

You can fight her and spend $ to do so.

Or you can agree to give her the house and car and send her in her way. Save the court fees and lawyer’s fees for the siblings who need the money for their care.

If the house is in her name already, get her to go away and back off from any other inheritance.

I’m sorry you are facing this. Yet again your dad just didn’t do what is in the best interest of you or your siblings. It may not be intentional but it is what it is.

Sorry for your loss.

I have tried to be supportive of my siblings and not overstep. Four of them live near each other and lived near my father. The co-executor sibling is the one my father would rely on for everyday things. In the past few years, the sibling with new health issues was my father's live in home health care and also managed my father's properties. All those siblings rely on each other and help with the disabled sibling. I've said I would give up my part of the estate to help care for other siblings if necessary.

In regards of the estate, I'm of the same opinion as deena. We need to get an attorney involved to protect ourselves from liability. My co-executor sibling seemed hesitant but now agrees.

That sibling did ask AP's daughter about the house. Apparently she acted as if it was not significant and that she believed my father was equally generous to us all. (I don't know if my sibling mentioned they had her written letter.) My father wasn't generous, but I pointed out it would be like him to claim he was. I can't fault her for believing that.

From the outside, she probably thinks we were all raised with a silver spoon and any financial success is due to my father. AP's drug and alcohol problems pre-dated meeting my father. AP never had any type of career or regular job. Ap's daughter didn't know her father, but he paid child support. When I met AP's daughter, she would fill her pockets with condiments and napkins if we went to a restaurant. I thought it was a funny quirk as a young adult, but it's sad.

If my father wanted her to have his whole estate, it would suck, but ok. I'm just fine with none of it. I just wish he'd taken care of this properly. Some of the properties my sibling has cared for might be JTWROS with AP's daughter, which means what legally? That my sibling has been managing and doing repairs on properties that now belong to APs daughter? I mean that would be a kick in the teeth for my sibling. A final F U from my dad.

This may turn out to be a moot point...even though it sounds distressing right now (((HUGS))). I have a friend who was in a situation where the will didn't have two witnesses signed off on it...and it wasn't valid. It may be different where you are...but when the will was being read...one of the siblings asked about the two witnesses who signed off on it. Because there weren't two signatures on the will...the will was voided.