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4 months post Dday.

1st time dealing with A season. A season is coming up and it will be in December. Of all the months of the year, why does it have to be December?

I just want to talk to someone or atleast vent out regarding this matter. How do I deal with it?

I'm so down and very emotional. I'm trying to keep my shit together but there are just some moments that I needed to let it out and cry and cry and cry and cry.......

December is my daughter's birthday and of course, holiday season/christmas which is a family tradition to celebrate and now when I think about it, I just couldn't bring myself to celebrate and be excited about it like I used to.

I don't even know what the heck I am going to be in the next 6 months. A was 6 months. On top of that, my son is turning 1 yr old in January.

Thinking about it now, it makes me really mad and my blood is boiling!! and yes A started a month before I gave birth to our son. It's just too painful! Excruciating pain!!!!

This is a normal reaction/feeling for us BS, isnt? I am not overreacting or I am not crazy to feel this way.

And here my H was saying that it shouldn't hurt that much because they never had an "official relationship" and they only had a "mutual understanding" of what they are doing!! I was stunned and was speechless!! And when I had the chance to speak, I was like "WTF!!!!!! Do you even know what you are saying? Do you even hear yourself?!"

I walked out.
I have to do it! I do not want to talk or even argue to a person who is sooooo f*cking close-minded or whatever word I can use!!!! I am sooo mad!!! I dont even know who is this person anymore. Its all messed up!!😔

Anyway, I am sorry if my post might be confusing and have a lot of typos. Thank you for reading!!

This is a normal reaction/feeling for us BS, isn't? I am not overreacting or I am not crazy to feel this way.

It is very normal, unfortunately. I was almost non-functional for the first 6 months. Luckily, I was working from home at the time. I would sit at my desk and cry while working.

Your WH is minimizing and I would consider what he is saying as emotional abuse.

So sorry that your holidays are involved. It adds another layer to the healing you need.

Kibosh, so sorry you are havi5to deal with this. As leafields said, he is minimizing but things are still early for you. My wife remained very selfish and defensive for the first year. Holidays, or nearly any family event really sucks. Have you implemented the 180? Whatever you do, don't do the pick me dance. That was my downfall and it hasn't been helpful. Sadly you have many more days of these kinds of feelings yet to come, but please keep coming here and venting. You are safe with us as we hear you and understand what you're dealing with. It's perfectly normal.

Your WH has absolutely no clue the devastation he has caused.

Is he in IC? Is he reading How to Help Your Spouse Heal from an Affair? What is he doing to help you feel safe again?

I wish I could knock some sense into him for you.

What you are feeling is completely normal. Are you in IC?

My D Day was in April, I had three children, and I barely made it through that first Christmas. I'm a baker, baked hundreds of cookies every holiday, didn't bake. I decorate my house like a Christmas wonderland, didn't decorate. I did put up a tree and buy presents for my children because I wanted to make sure they had a wonderful holiday. My point is do what you can do, and don't sweat anything else.

I'm sorry your WH did this to you during what should be such a special time bringing a new baby into the family.

Copingmybest:

Thanks for your message.
I did try and still trying to do the 180 but honestly speaking I tend to break it especially when I have these triggering moments. I am still having some difficulties when it comes to my emotions as I also do not understand myself. I am all overall the place, unfortunately.

Leafields:

Thank you for your message. I am also glad that I am on my maternity leave while this is all happening. I couldnt imagine going through with this and then working at the same time.

Hoping for the best to all of us!

Annb:

Your WH has absolutely no clue the devastation he has caused.

-I couldnt agree more. He was saying he knows and he understands but I dont know to what extent.

Is he in IC? Is he reading How to Help Your Spouse Heal from an Affair? What is he doing to help you feel safe again?

- No, he doesn't want to go for IC for now.

- He did the audio for that book and as far as I can see there is not much help from it.

- He does tell me where he goes, NC with the AP since dday, phone and email access, he is now trying to communicate more.

The problem for him is that he is having some difficulties expressing his emotions and self. He tend to say something that for him was the correct way to express it but when the receiver (myself) hears it then it is completely different ?approach? I dont really know how to explain it, sorry, but that is why I am encouring him to do IC.

I wish I could knock some sense into him for you.

- PLEASE FEEL FREE TO DO SO!

As for me, I stopped my IC but thinking about going back soon.

Thank you for your message again.
I do really appreciate all your input.
I hope you are back with the baking already.
I know it will be difficult but I am still planning to celebrate it, like you, I want my children to have a wonderful holiday.

I wish I could just give you a hug. I remember the pain of the early days so vividly. I am married 40 years. I just wanted someone to please take away the pain. My husband said something similar…we didn’t talk love or marriage. Ok then my bad. You are right no problem that you took a young Vietnamese bar girl/hooker to dinner and texted her for year. I shouldn’t feel completely repulsed that you are 75 years old messing with a 28 year old woman. The disrespect is immense but your right my problem not mine. It is so easy to tell someone to just divorce but when it happens to you it is not so easy. Truthfully I am five years out it’s better but never the same. I just wonder how they live with themselves.

This is a normal reaction/feeling for us BS, isnt? I am not overreacting or I am not crazy to feel this way.

And here my H was saying that it shouldn't hurt that much because they never had an "official relationship" and they only had a "mutual understanding" of what they are doing!!

Totally normal reaction, and the more you trust the other person the more intense the betrayal is.

Your husbands response, however, is somewhat lacking, lacking like the Sahara desert lacks adequate water to grow corn.