SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So I fully welcome input, but not if it is just "His wife is bullying him". If you can come up with reasons for thinking that is the case, based on what I have told you about the current situation, great.

I've explained in pretty thorough detail in many comments across several threads. You've had moments of clarity, too, when you've admitted you were compelled to accept a Faustian bargain (or to use your words, Squid Game). I could spend my entire day quoting and cross-referencing previous posts, but I think that would be a complete waste of our time.

And no, I don't think all cheaters should simply be tossed in the bin. I'm particularly cognizant of the fact that, even in the worst cases, BS who have generally been happily married and have children with their WS want to give their WS the benefit of the doubt and every opportunity to turn themselves around. Sometimes, the WS actually follows through.

But I have yet to see a single example where a marriage rapidly "recovers" after infidelity over the course of only a few months, without any consequences for or accountability from the WS, and with the BS accepting the blame for the WS's behavior.

For your sake, I sincerely hope that you are the first.

Ozzy, My intention wasn’t to bully you or be harsh. I am merely going by the different versions you provide of what happened.

I am writing from the perspective of a BS. So pardon me if I cannot pat your back . I cannot fathom being in the OBS’s shoes. Nothing you write so far indicated that you gave a thought to the OBS, she has been a sword that you hung over your WS’s head to keep marriage intact. The other mention was some flippant opinion of her, possibly AP’s version of her. So pardon me if I don’t see that you care.

Comments that are purposely aggressive and made to attack someone who has been hurting and been vulnerable enough to open up to strangers are just NOT OK. I just don’t get how some thinks they are. And please don’t hide behind the "I’m just blunt" BS or the "take what you want and leave the rest…". Word sticks, especially harsh ones, and attacks, veiled or blunt, have effects on people, they hurt people. If you don’t have genuine support to give, why just don’t chime in at all? Please don’t turn valuable forums like this into toxic spaces.

Hallelujah sister.

Ozzy, thanks for posting an update. Brave of you.

Regarding BTB... simply giving her opinion based on the words written by the OP. To call someone toxic or aggressive simply because you don't like their style of communication is unfair.

I would agree OP seems to have taken responsibility for his WW's betrayal, although OP claims otherwise. BTB is genuinely trying to help OP see the discrepancies (BTB identified) in his WW story. In my experience, there are words spoken, lies told and then there is the behavior. When the behavior doesn't align with he words, something is amiss.

What I see... some are attempting to get the OP to acknowledge the discrepancies and some cheer OP, congratulate him, and wish him luck.

No one is wrong... it is a difference of opinion. To label someone aggressive and toxic is not productive and certainly not helpful.

[This message edited by Apollos at 1:22 AM, Sunday, January 28th]

I am sorry Ozzie but I would not consider this a good update either.

So your WW says this is all behind you? I thought your WW had already given up going on dates w other men long before Summer 2023 though, you know, when she GAVE YOU HER VOWS. What on Earth made her think doing this was OK last summer? If at some point years later the two of you have more "problems" (problems according to your WW that is) will she be doing this sort of thing again?

ETA Afternoon 1/28: In particular, your WW seems to feel foolish that her AP didn't seem to love her as she thought he did. That is decidedly NOT the same as her feeling remorseful that she ever stepped out and caused so much damage to YOU (notice I said 'you' and not just 'your marriage') and your family. She feels most foolish that she blew up HER life. But what if say AP did not vanish on WW? Wouldn't her affair be continuing. Or instead, wouldn't she leave you for AP.

It sounds to me that the two of you are enthusiastically Rugsweeping.

[This message edited by WontBeFooledAgai at 8:57 PM, Sunday, January 28th]

Hey, Ozzy.
Nice to hear an update from you. I applaud you for your effort and your strength but I advise you to be careful. After all and as much as I can remember, this is kinda the outcome you wanted. I'm a bit skeptic about what you said. What you shared about your wife and how you process with MC about your issues, it sounds that it's all about external impulses with your wife. Firstly, how it started, the issues in your marriage lead to your wife changing her thoughts about you because you didn't act assertively enough to prevent her "affair", then her allegedly realising the foolishness of her actions because AP didn't contact her. So does that mean, if Ap contacted her or called her, then she wouldn't be there for you, because then she "knew" that AP really loved her? I mean your love wasn't any good? It sounds more to me that she chose the lesser evil over the unknown evil. I hope your efforts and love pay off, but I fear it only will last for some time.