HopeToHealSoon (original poster new member #84876) posted at 4:56 PM on Monday, September 16th, 2024
Hi All,
Well, our mediation date is September 24th. I am still in the depths of pain here and wondering when this will subside. Will the actual agreeing on divorce help? The finality of it leaves me with a huge weight on my chest. I never wanted this for me or for the kids, but feel I had to file because my STBExH never did anything to reconcile, and instead strung me along with fake reconciliation. I am now second-guessing myself. Did the 180 backfire?! Should I have tried harder? I feel I did everything I could be he did nothing. It's just so hard to accept the fact that he likely checked out long ago while I was still so invested in the marriage. I guess I'm just needing some encouragement as I lead up to mediation. That I'm doing the right thing. That this was irreconcilable.
It's a funny thing that I think I'm on the upward trajectory, and then I'm leveled again with sadness and anger and second thoughts. I know in my heart of hearts, I couldn't go back to someone who treated me and his family with so little regard, but it still hurts like hell. I hope this gets better after the divorce is final.
BW, 49 (kids 10, 13, 14) D-Day: April 10, 2024Separated: April 12, 2024Divorce Filed: July 11, 2024 (after STBXH couldn't do NC and continued to lie about A)
"I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become." — Carl Jung
