Well, I won't give you advice on what you should do in terms of D, but I will say that you should be up to speed on all financial matters. This is just sound advice for any couple at any stage.
I'll tell you my experience if it helps. I tried to R with my now EXWW, but she was and is a person who just does not do things, so she was ill equipped to do the heavy lifting in R. Add to that the fact that I'm not a forgiving person when it comes to betrayal and I recognized that I would never love her in the way a wife ought to be loved by her husband, if at all.
I felt at peace when I filed, but I also grieved. I think it is natural when something ends. I didn't miss her, but rather,the idea of marriage and family.
I had huge anxiety about what my life would look like moving forward. Mind you, I'm a man who lives in my head, so I had to have a plan A, B, C, D, etc. I looked at all possible scenarios in terms of living arrangements, child custody, etc. Once I was assured that I wouldn't be eating cat food for the rest of my life, I felt better.
My best friend went through a nasty D years back, and he really struggled financially, but he made it work. He got very creative in finding ways to make ends meet. I asked him for advice, and he told me that he wished he wouldn't have been so concerned about finances. It always seemed to work out.
I was forced to make some sacrifices when I first moved out on my own. I could only afford a two bedroom apartment, so I looked at creative ways to have a bed in the living room. In the end, I lucked out and found an apartment that had a small cutout for a dining table and I was just big enough for a double bed and an end table on each side. I huge a curtain on the end and I had a place to sleep.we called it "the nook" and it was home for almost 4 years.
I was worried about life being hard on the kids, but they adapted. We made some good memories there, had some battles and even a few victories. Since my place was about 800 Sq feet, it was cramped, but we managed to get a desktop tree and celebrated Christmas every year, even inviting friends to stay with us.
Despite me being a mess for a long time, my kids look back and have mostly good memories. They've grown up normally. Sure, they have their own struggles, but I don't think these are any worse that those they'd experience had I stayed with their mother.
The real healing started when I bought my townhouse. You can read about my journey in New Beginnings if your interested. I now have my own room with a door! The place is really old, but I'm slowly fixing it up by keeping an eye out for used materials. It's amazing how much you can save if one is handy and patient.
I grew up poor, born into a family of four in a one bedroom house. My family was frugal and extremely self-sufficient,so I do poor pretty good. As a result, we've been able to live pretty comfortably. There's food in the pantry, I scratch cook and shop sales. My kids are not fussy and shop thrft stores. My buddy drops off free wood for my fireplace which takes the edge off in the winter. All in all, looking at us, you wouldn't guess that I spend hours each month balancing our budget. I have zero debt now, save the mortgage, and work side gigs whenever I can. Hell, I'm even able to put a few bucks away each month.
I'm writing this sitting in bed with my coffee ☕️ and electric blanket (saves money), and looking at the totality of my life since S and D, I can honestly say I am content, not happy, but content and most certainly at peace. My girls are both grown, but they choose to live with me, which is a good thing (mostly).
I look back on my buddies advice about not sweating the financial stuff, and I can honestly say he was right. Things always seemed to work out,maybe not perfectly but well enough. Human beings are amazingly adaptable and the new normal quickly becomes just normal. I don't know I any of what I've written helps, but I hope for good things in you future, whatever path you choose.
