SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Wife cheated with my former best friend of over 25 years. I was in an accident and in a wheelchair for 9 weeks. Marriage was on the rocks before I got hurt. Evidence and witnessed changes in both our and their relationship and strong gut feelings that it was going on. She denies and gaslights like nothing I’ve seen or heard before. Always, "you’re overreacting, nothing happened. You were on pain medication, (just regular medication no hallucinogens or illegal) anything and everything to make me doubt myself and simply says I’m crazy. Confronted AP and denies everything. I know I’m 100% right.
Even went as far as telling her that I would never truly heal if she wasn’t honest and it didn’t matter! Anyone else been in this position? Daughter graduates HS in a few months and 1 in college already out of the house.l will be filing for divorce soon.

Welcome to SI and sorry that you're here. Infidelity is the worst. There are some posts pinned to the top of the forum that we encourage new members to read, as well as some with bull's eye icons that are really helpful. The Healing Library is at the top of the page and has a ton of great resources.

I was able to confirm the A (affair) through texts & video on my XWH's (wayward ex-husband's) phone, so that's one thing he couldn't lie about. But, he's a diagnosed covert narc, so gaslighting and lying were part of his personality.

If you can, IC (individual counseling) with a betrayal trauma specialist can be helpful. Bonus points if they have infidelity listed as a treatment specialty, too.

Take care of yourself and your children. If you have trouble with eating, be sure to at least try protein shakes. If you have trouble with depression or anxiety, please see your doctor and try meds to see if they help.

I don't know if that's your real name in the section just below your comment. Anonymity is a key feature of this website and message board, so you might want to erase it.

Otherwise, I'm sorry you find yourself here, but you've definitely come to the right place.

Have you discussed and confirmed any of your concerns with the other betrayed spouse?

That may even be helpful in the upcoming divorce.

He doesn’t have a spouse. He was going through a divorce. We were supporting him as friends do. Unfortunately for me my wife was supporting him way more than I was.

Sorry you are here. I hope you have returned to good health following your accident. You will see it often said to "trust your gut! Your instincts can tell when something is off in a relationship. Blameshifting and gaslighting are so very common responses from those who cheat. You will need to gather evidence of their A. Phone, text, email and social media posts can give a clue. Some will use a VAR in her car or office. You may get a private investigator or go into sleuth mode yourself. Or have her take a polygraph. Being in limbo with your suspicions is no way to live. Good luck.

I hope you have healed since your accident.

I’m sorry you are facing this trauma, especially during your recovery period and the aftermath of an accident. I think it just makes things worse.

I’m also certain you are NOT imagining an affair. Trust your gut and don’t doubt yourself.

As far as the gaslighting — well that is what many cheaters do. Some will lie even with incontrovertible proof. My H did it to me for 4 years during his first affair (he claims it was an emotional affair, but I now think differently).

One of my closest friends was married to a serial cheater. He had her convinced she was imagining things. The affairs. The lying. The mind games. All of it.

Honestly I don’t think you need proof. You can just tell her you are D due to her affair. End of story. You say the marriage wasn’t great before your accident and obviously she’s not going to admit to the affair. If that’s the case you can’t reconcile and heal — so you almost have no choice.

I hope this helps you.

Keep posting here. You will get great support. We know all the tricks and shenanigans that the cheaters try to pull. We can spot it a mile away.

I agree with 1stwife. If you want to divorce you can. In fact I hope you don’t dig for more info unless it impacts the divorce. If she feels free to cheat you can feel free to move on.

Watch your stress level. Long term it can do permanent damage.

Wife cheated with my former best friend of over 25 years.

You know I try to be understanding in every situation, but that is beyond reprehensible. She is abusing you and you need to get away from her sooner rather than later. Don't delay.

Love and respect yourself enough to get out of this relationship. These people are not worth spending any brain space on. Find an IC to help you process this deep betrayal.

I am really sorry. The instances where a spouse cheats are bad enough, but while you are healing/incapacitated and with your best friend . . .I am sorry. I lost a little faith in humanity reading that today.

Doc

I’m not as willing to acknowledge your gut as easily as one of our top contributors The1stWife.
Maybe because my gut screamed at me that my present wife of then +15 years was cheating, when in fact she wasn’t. My issues were due to other factors related to cheating in a previous relationship.
The gut is a great tool to assess risk and danger, but maybe a terrible tool to base life-altering decisions on.
I’m therefore going to ask you to give us more info on HOW you know they are/were cheating. Maybe writing it down and sharing it here can give us all – you included – clarity.