leftdejected (original poster new member #85804) posted at 11:00 PM on Thursday, February 13th, 2025
When my wife sat me down to tell me something and said I should hold her feet in my lap so I might not be so mad, I knew what she was going to say. And when she said it, I was not surprised. I was shocked, angered, saddened, but not surprised. I had no evidence of her affairs, just my gut feeling in certain situations. I've had that same gut feeling in various situations with her going back more than twenty years. D-Day confirmed that those feelings were not my imagination running wild. They were alarms.
Formerpeopleperson ( member #85478) posted at 11:04 PM on Thursday, February 13th, 2025
Sorry you find yourself here.
1. Are you sure you have all of it? Very important that you get it all, and get your questions answered.
2. Why did she come clean now?
Best wishes
[This message edited by Formerpeopleperson at 11:04 PM, Thursday, February 13th]
It’s never too late to live happily ever after
leftdejected (original poster new member #85804) posted at 1:59 AM on Friday, February 14th, 2025
I'm not sure why she confessed. Her explanation didn't make sense to me, and I couldn't get a straight answer. I know I don't have the whole story from her and I may never really get it.
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 3:25 AM on Friday, February 14th, 2025
Welcome to SI and so sorry you're here. There are some posts pinned to the top of the forum that are very helpful, as well as some that aren't pinned but have bull's eye icons. At the top of the site is the Healing Library, which has a lot of great information.
Their explanations don't make any sense. And an A (affair) is inexcusable.
If you can, IF (individual counseling) with a betrayal trauma specialist can be helpful in processing the trauma.
Also, you may want to see your doctor and be tested for STDs because there are some nasty diseases out there. If you're having trouble with depression or sleeping, ask for meds.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
gr8ful ( member #58180) posted at 6:00 PM on Friday, February 14th, 2025
OP,
You can get much more of the truth, or at least her "honest" version of the truth if you hold her accountable to write out EVERYTHING that occurred, and then have her submit to a polygraph where she will be asked, among several other questions, if all she wrote was truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Many betrayed are gripped with fear which paralyzes them into inaction. I hope you’re not in that place.
Keep posting.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 7:26 PM on Friday, February 14th, 2025
Are you looking for specific help? If so, let us know.
It's hard to respond to your posts, but let me say:
1) Right now, IMO your most important and urgent need is to heal; put the stay/go question aside for a while.
2) Consider as many options as you can think of. Figure out what you want, even if you don't think it's attainable. Don't limit yourself by what you thought you'd do before you knew what being betrayed really is.
3) Have faith in yourself to heal. You really can survive this and thrive.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
Shiftkit ( new member #79040) posted at 8:16 PM on Friday, February 14th, 2025
Most confess because the AP, AP's spouse, or someone who knows has threatened to tell the BS.
Brittn ( member #84766) posted at 9:39 PM on Friday, February 14th, 2025
Her explanation made no sense? Explain if you would like to. I suspect that she softened the whole story for you. There is probably more if the truth would help you.
