SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I just watched a video of a scientist who said that they are beginning to think the reason so many women have auto immune diseases, many more than men do, is because they are the peacemakers. He said that women are culterized into being the one that keeps everyone else calm and steady to their own detriment. Women are not allowed by our cultures to raise voices, to get angry, and to make a noise. We are supposed to always be the one to calm everything down and never allow any rage to show up anywhere. I know two people who have auto immune diseases that they said came on them in middle age when they got so bitterly hurt by their husbands. I don’t know any men who have an autoimmune disease, although they probably are some that I’m acquainted with. I would like to see this talked about because one thing that I constantly try to stress on this forum is to get something done, stay or go, but stop the stress. It really does make a profound difference in the rest of your life.

I absolutely agree the stress causes lasting harm to the body. I have a dear friend whose husband cheated on her with a stripper who became pregnant. After 35 years he left her. She developed an auto immune disease, severe IBS and lung issues. I myself had fairly well controlled diabetes that totally went haywire after my husbands affair. Still remains an issue 2 years after d-day. I remember him driving me to the doctors in 2023 and then asking me in the car what was causing my medical issues. I said it’s all the stress I am under because of what you are doing. He looked at me and said "What stress, I’m not doing anything to cause it". WTF.

When I watched that talk I immediately thought about my friend who husbands were so selfish and she had to suck it up because her parents were too ill to allow her and her kids back home. She developed RA in middle age. Never had an issue until the second one got sick. Bam! RA.

I have an autoimmune disorder, crohn’s. It first evidenced itself after a very stressful military assignment. The next significant flare was 10 years later, immediately following Dday. Have been symptom free since retirement. So, yeah, stress is definitely a trigger for my crohn’s.

I have ME/CFS, which started a year into WS's affair. I didn't know he was cheating at the time, but I was feeling the strain on our marriage (he would lie/gaslight me when I would bring it up). And then after dday1, he said he was going to help me get better with "the healing power of love." LOL - 3 more ddays after that!! I don't believe he knows what the word love means. And no, I haven't gotten any better.

Anyway, the stress of betrayal is huge and could be a contributing factor. I also think there's something about middle age and perimenopause that makes women more likely to develop autoimmune problems in their 40s and 50s.

Hey Cooley - My WH was diagnosed with autoimmune and 2 kinds of blood cancer 7 years after Dday. I wonder if it is stress or Karma. The stess, to date, has me physically healthy - so far. Hhhmmmmm.....