All that led me to wonder how does forgiveness play a role in our healing as the BS? Does it matter if we forgive — as part of reconciliation?
Are we less happy if we do not forgive?
This is a tough one.
Firstly, thank you to Bigger for relaying your thoughts on changing your mindset from unforgiveness to pity. I found it practical and helpful.
I have long reflected on this subject. I do think that my unforgiveness and its close cousin, bitterness played a part in the failure of our ill fated attempt at reconciliation. It was a poison that tainted everything. How could it not? Fueled by anger, unforgiveness was strong within me.
There are those who say that forgiveness is not necessary for reconciliation, only acceptance. My experience was that unforgiveness and bitterness were a very large impedance both to my healing and to any reconciliation effort. It was part of the toxicity that flooded my soul in the aftermath of betrayal by the two people I trusted the most and trust did not come easily to me in the first place.
There is a concept that helps me with the idea of forgiveness. I do believe that it is necessary for healing ultimately. The concept is that of the past, present and future perfect tense. What I mean by this is that I dont see forgiveness as a moment in time. As a "once and done". I see it as a continious process, as a lifetime series of choices. In that vein, I have forgiven (past), I forgive (present), I will forgive (future). This helps me. Anytime bitter thoughts crop up, I have the option to choose forgiveness in that moment.
And, now I do. I keep choosing to forgive and it has helped me to move on.
[This message edited by DobleTraicion at 1:52 PM, Wednesday, August 27th]
