Missmee (original poster new member #86349) posted at 6:23 PM on Sunday, September 28th, 2025
So you may have seen my previous posts. My now ex partner of 20 years was having an affair from January, didn’t admit it was full blown till June and swore it had finished. Recently blown up that it’s still been going on until now. Monday last week I asked him to leave and he left to go live with her.
So now lives with a 24 year old girl her parents and siblings same age as our children. We have 6 aged between 1-18. All along I told him I wanted to reconcile obviously he didn’t.
He’s said some pretty mean things, he doesn’t love me, couldn’t give up his fling with OW because she loved him and he really liked/loved her. Was only with me for the kids. Totally rewrote our history.
I know I can’t ever be with him again but don’t know how to get over the past and future I thought we were going to have. Every lie he’s told. Also the fact he’s changed into someone in months that I don’t recognise but my heart still aches for the old person I fell for .
I do have support in person but feel so ashamed and embarrassed about the whole thing. One minute I feel strong then the next could cry. Not just for myself but my children to they don’t deserve this.
I’m not sure what I’m asking here but how did/do you get through this? When does it start getting easier?
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 10:54 PM on Sunday, September 28th, 2025
I’m sorry. I witnessed exactly what you are going through. Only difference the OW was 29 or so and single and I too watched my H become someone I didn’t recognize either.
How do we survive this? First as a parent we put ourselves second or last and kids first. You show up every day knowing they need you as the stabilizing force in their lives.
Second you grieve the loss of the person you once knew, and accept the person the cheater has become. It’s the hardest thing right now but it will become less painful over time. A long time.
You then Prepare yourself for the day his "twu wuv" 24 yo OW dumps him. Whether it’s over lack of $ or commitment to kids or they are stuck living with her parents — whatever it is, this relationship has a very small success rate.
You need to establish your co-parenting skills and relationship w/ him. That will take work. I would suggest now is not the time to introduce the OW to your kids but you may not be able to control that.
Lastly, you get yourself a good attorney and at some point only discuss things through legal counsel.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
