cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 4:46 PM on Sunday, December 28th, 2025
I doubt that I could have become softer toward my W at the time.
This was more than 4 years after Dday. The problem was that, other than not cheating anymore, my H hadn't made any significant progress. Maybe if he had, I could've done what the MC suggested. The suggestion was made within the context of our general relationship health, not the infidelity.
I still struggle with being softer and gentler in my approach to my H. My nature is to be straightforward and mater-of-fact. Tact is not one of my strong suits. When I think of that wrt my H, I think he's a 55yo man. He needs to grow a backbone.
[This message edited by cocoplus5nuts at 4:47 PM, Sunday, December 28th]
Me(BW): 1970WH(caveman): 1970Married June, 2000DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EADDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraphStatus: just living my life
Riverswithfish (original poster new member #84441) posted at 12:32 AM on Saturday, January 10th, 2026
Am I missing something here?
Just got out of MC and my WW talked about opening a bank account and hiring a divorce consultant, hiding her financial activity, and running this by her friends, confidant and IC to hide this all from me. She said she would do it all over again as it was reasonable and prudent.
We had talked about this multiple times and she lied about it each time (including in MC). It wasn't until I asked her about the receipts that she disclosed she had a secret account.
I am floored and don't see a way forward when lying and hiding activity is ok with my WW and her support network. I don't understand how this could be true. None of my friends or my IC have ever suggested being dishonest with WW.
I'm not sure WW is being honest that she has all this support TBH. She just refuses to be seen as having done anything "wrong" in the past few years.
I am hurt, but not reeling. I think this is fairly clear and untenable.
BH, trying to R with WW
DDay: 12/18/2023
fareast ( Moderator #61555) posted at 1:25 AM on Saturday, January 10th, 2026
I am sorry but she is not remorseful. She is defensive and does not have empathy for the pain caused by her lies and betrayal. You deserve a partner who loves you and is honest. Not a WW who is unfaithful and lies to you and hides her actions. You need to take action for you. Don’t buy her excuse that she had support for her deceptions. She knew it was wrong to hide these actions. That’s why she hid them. You cannot control her or force her to change. You can only value yourself and demand respect and commitment in your M. If she is unwilling to change you do not have much of a choice moving forward.
Never bother with things in your rearview mirror. Your best days are on the road in front of you.
asc1226 ( member #75363) posted at 3:35 AM on Saturday, January 10th, 2026
I'm not sure WW is being honest that she has all this support TBH.
Who knows what they’re telling her. But what’s she telling them? I doubt it’s anything that makes her look bad.
Is the MC still prodding you for change?
I make edits, words is hard
Unhinged ( member #47977) posted at 3:53 AM on Saturday, January 10th, 2026
I think this is fairly clear and untenable.
So, what are your plans now that you've reached this conclusion?
Married 2005
D-Day April, 2015
Divorced May, 2022
"The Universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button." -Brene Brown
Riverswithfish (original poster new member #84441) posted at 3:12 PM on Saturday, January 10th, 2026
First: self care with detachment, reflection and destress. Write down my thoughts.
Then: checkin with my supports. IC, best friend. Write out my thoughts.
If I’m still in a no-win situation, file for divorce.
BH, trying to R with WW
DDay: 12/18/2023
cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 5:56 PM on Saturday, January 10th, 2026
Contacting a divorce attorney needs to be on that list. Your WW has.
Me(BW): 1970WH(caveman): 1970Married June, 2000DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EADDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraphStatus: just living my life
