Tinytim1980 (original poster member #80504) posted at 6:07 PM on Sunday, December 21st, 2025
Struggling with this one....
My BS just asked me about disloyalty and why I have been to her throughout the marriage. I'm struggling to answer it and when I asked what her take on it was she responded that basically I just have seen her as a door mat and that I can simply can get away with murder.
That's not my feeling at all, but I am struggling with this one as I have lived every day since the affair fearing she will leave which has guided alot of my issues with lying as I fear THIS will be the time she goes...rather than just being able to let go of the outcome, which has come and gone at various times.
Can anyone share some insight?
Unhinged ( member #47977) posted at 8:26 PM on Sunday, December 21st, 2025
I cannot shed any insight into why you don't value loyalty. However, I do believe that failing to figure that out for yourself and then explaining it to her, as well as you possibly can, will preclude reconciliation.
Most betrayed spouses want to understand why a wayward spouse would take a stroll down Infidelity Lane. While no explanation will ever suffice, what's far more important is understanding why a wayward spouse will never do it again.
I hope by now you understand that lying is only going to make things worse. Most likely your BW is highly attuned to everything you say and the slightest hint of any thing untrue is a massive error on your part.
Married 2005
D-Day April, 2015
Divorced May, 2022
"The Universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button." -Brene Brown
