SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

3 years ago i found out my husband had been messaging other women . Flirty chat sending rude pictures there was a few of them . He moved out for a while lots of chats later . Individual therapy for both of us and some together . Things have been amazing i feel like we really made a better relationship out of it . Us and the kids have never been happier .

I have just been told a rumour of another girl and that she slept with this girl it was in the same time frame as everything that happened above but he never told me this at the time as far as i knew was all messaging and indecent images etc . I have asked him he is denying it but i don’t believe him i have accepted in my head it did happen but i want him to be truthful . I know it sounds so stupid but we had done so well and our marriage was everything i always wanted it to be . Now this has come back from 3 years ago i don’t know how to feel or what to do .

i don’t want to end my marriage i love what we have other then this . ( i know that sounds so silly ) We have 2 x children 1 who is very autistic and would not cope with his dad moving out . But i don’t want this to be like this forever .

I can’t help thinking i sound so stupid for saying i want to stay but i also love my life our families i just don’t have the answers

The chances that the timing of this girl, happening during the time you know he was cheating,being a coincidence, is obvious. He slept with her,most likely.

If you stay with him, you need to rebuild on a foundation of truth. Otherwise you are attempting reconciliation with a liar,and a man who knows he can fool you.

What work has he done to become a safe partner? Therapy is good. But, what else?

Schedule a polygraph. You'll get the truth. If he didn't have sex with her..great. If he did..then you know he's capable of pretending to rebuild while still lying.

Married men typically don't sext,and send naked pics, just for the thrill of it. They're looking for sex.

Thanks for the reply . Yeah i always knew that was what he was looking for i had spoken to all the other women i knew about who all said it was messages only . This other women is not replying .

Since we got back together we have had open passwords , apple family sharing he sends his jobs for the day so i know where he will be . We don’t often go out separate and to be honest he is always home every night as he has the kids while i work . I have ring doorbell so know he is not going out or anyone coming in .

I thought we had made progress and i guess we have but no on a lie

Does he answer all of your questions without anger or defensiveness?

Does he take full responsibility for his choices? Does he blame you?

What about friends of the opposite sex?

Did he get tested for stds?

How long did he go to therapy?

Be careful believe other women. Women who involve themselves with a married man..and they know he's married..aren't trustworthy. Did you tell their husbands?

i had spoken to all the other women i knew about who all said it was messages only . This other women is not replying .

Hi, Broken, so sorry you are here.

IMO these women have no reason to be honest with you. When I confronted my husband's affair partner via phone, she told me the same thing, just texts and emails and they only kissed once in the vehicle.

Cheaters lie. All of them.

If you want the absolute truth, approach your husband with the idea of a polygraph. Tell him after all you've been through, you need to believe that with this last bit of information, you need him to be honest.

You've just joined this site, read through the healing library and as many posts especially in JFO that you can.

Cheaters lie, minimize, manipulate and gaslight. All of them. So many of us here learned to become sleuths just to find out information out cheaters refused to divulge.

I hope he is telling the truth and you can move forward with your life.

You really can't go forward without the truth, this will always eat at you. You have to get the truth to have a solid foundation. We went through 2 months of false R and my gut was never settled, it took being done and heading for D for her to lay out everything, and when I got the truth, I knew it.