SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My BP caught me about 4 weeks ago after having an emotional affair with someone I met at a conference. The affair lasted 2 weeks before my BP found the text messages. She asked me for the truth and I told her everything but not all at once, there was a lot of trickle truth, some on purpose, but some because I couldn't remember as I had deleted some of the communication. It was a terrible time and we briefly separated but after coming back together, we both started IC and it looked promising until today, when she went through my phone and saw I deleted messages with another person. We were able to get the messages after I wrote to the other person and while they were flirtatious and still wrong, they were not as explicit as the previous ones. Here is my problem though: I never volunteered the truth and in all these scenarios my BP is the one who caught me. To make it worse, for the incident today, I texted the person secretly on the side and asked her not to send those messages and deleted messages again but when my BP confronted me, I ended up telling her the truth. But only when she confronted me... And she says everything may have been forgivable if I just didn't text the other person to hide the messages.
Why can't I stop lying? Why do I keep telling half truths? It seems Everytime I want to tell the truth, something physically holds me back.

Probably you don't actually believe that the truth is better than the "reality" you try to construct for yourself and people around you. The truth is always better. Sometimes inconvenient and uncomfortable but better. You'll never experience real healing if you don't base it in the truth. If you don't believe truth is on your side, you'll keep lying.

Pippin,

Thank you so much for your reply. I did end up telling the whole truth and the response has been quite challenging but expected because of my actions. But like you said, whatever the case or outcome, at least I know that the truth is on my side.