SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thanks The1stWife I hadn't really thought of that. It's a very good point

Nelly
I don’t have much advice for you but wanted to let you know how sorry i am for what you are going through.
I feel your pain. Infidelity sucks the life out of us.
I hope you will find strength and resolve during this painful and confusing time.

Thanks so much cedarwoods that means a lot. Everyone in the forum is so supportive. It makes me tear up and angry that we're all here in the first place.

Anyway, he came home this morning. He's asked me three times already what's wrong. I can't hide this and I'm going to have to say something now. I'm dreadful at hiding my emotions and I can't act normal.

[This message edited by Nelly100 at 9:54 PM, Monday, July 31st]

So, because I’m evil and vengeful, I would secretly order one of those exact sex toys and not confront him until it arrived.

Then I would hand it to him, and tell him his AP forgot something.

Haha yes but I'm not going to waste £100 on him. He's not worth it!

Just offering some advice on the in-house separation if you do decide to go down that route... I understand most people would advise against this but I really do think it comes down to how you are as a person - It's been 15 months since my husband's affair & I decided I didn't want to be in a relationship with him any longer as my feelings just never returned for him, however as we have a young child & he has been suicidal on & off trying to cope with what he's done, I decided to let him stay in the house initially... But if I'm honest, as the months go on I realise that I could probably be happy enough doing this for quite some time, mainly because I don't have feelings for him and am pretty much fully detached, so our daily lives are perfectly amicable, our child is happy and I am free to get on with my life (without the stresses of single parenting/sorting mortgage/other relationships as I'm simply not interested). I'm sure once your husband realised you'd be happy to separate & that you were also free to see whoever you liked, he would change his tune about his own affair! Imagine how he'd feel knowing you hold all the power & his affair was suddenly not very exciting as it's no longer being carried out in secret. That would become boring very quickly I'm sure! You may even feel empowered once you realise you're the one in the driving seat xxxx

Update... I confronted him. And now feel somewhat foolish. So he did actually have a plausible excuse. Unbelievable. I'm not going to go into it (and I know you are all going to think I'm being incredibly gullible) but it is not what I thought it was on the receipt.

Wow. I've given him a piece of my mind for putting me through this this last couple of days. I really thought we were over. I told him I was literally speaking with a solicitor this morning! He was so close to getting kicked out. Oh my gosh.

I just wanted to thank everyone who sent messages and took the time to care. You are all very special, wonderful people. I feel like an idiot now and that Ive wasted all your time, however, it does just show doesn't it how hard it is to trust after an affair and how easy it is to put 2 and 2 to make 5. Although as I told him very strongly today that obviously that's the conclusion I was going to come to and he should have just talked to me! He's an idiot too.

I will stay vigilant as always but I think my current turmoil has passed. If it ever does actually come to it in the future though I have all your kind advice there ready. Sorry everyone I feel like I've been a drama queen now.

You do not need to apologize. If your cheating spouse had not cheated you would not be in this position. Period!

See the cheater NEVER considers the long term effect of an affair. They do not realize or understand the damage that is done. Well here’s an insight into what happens when you lie and cheat.

My H got upset with me recently b/c I refer to our debt as his credit card debt or my credit card debt. He says it is "our" debt even though we each have our own accounts. I explained that one of the things that reduces my anxiety is the fact that I am not responsible for his credit card debts b/c they are solely in his name. And if I had to walk out of the house tomorrow I would financially survive and not worry about him screwing my credit rating up.

He realized why I think that way and took full responsibility for it.

So I would not apologize in this case. I would point out what the affair did to my thinking and why I will always be suspicious.