SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

but this guy?

Yeah - they always affair down, so to say. It especially seems they are attracted to very broken individuals. I don't think it's so much about the "fix the bad boy" thing, as much as it is that she feels like she's on a pedestal compared to this sorry sack of dogshit - i.e. it feeds her ego to "be the best in the room". Conversely, you being a perfectly decent guy hold up an uglier mirror of reality that she has to look back through when she sees you. The OM himself is pretty irrelevant in all this (other than taking advantage of the situation and genuinely being that sorry sack of dogshit) as it's all about feeding her fragile ego. Don't even bother to compare yourself to him - know that you exist on your own merit and nobody else's and don't need to think of your value in terms of how many dog turds its worth.

[This message edited by SerJR at 5:41 PM, Wednesday, November 1st]

Hello All. I just wanted to update you on the legal side. I was able to gain full control of the primary business accounts and assets, so she is physically unable to touch them. Personal assets have been split 50/50 into a holding account and I only have access to pay bills. Any debt that she has accumulated post D-Day is her sole responsible and any gains that I have made are mine. We are in a holding pattern because we are going to see if we can make any legal arguments for abandonment, especially the farm business. It doesn't mean she won't be entitled to anything, but maybe less as she would have accrued debt for my caretaker fees, which can go against her claim to the estate. The judge would decide the caretaker fees. Now we wait, monitor, and see. Thanks so much for the support! No HIV results yet.

Wow, Progress and Pronto!! That's got to be some load off your mind.

How does it feel to take charge, faithful?

"Action this day." Always leads to moving forward. Well done taking control.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 7:58 PM, Wednesday, November 1st]

Good for you, get these things in place while she is off in LaLa land. He will dump her and she will be odd man out. This never works out well for the WS that throws away everything and runs off.

Good for you! Well done for taking control in such extremely difficult circumstances. I admire your strength in this situation.

Rooting for you so much, faithfulache!
You are doing so much right.

I was able to gain full control of the primary business accounts and assets, so she is physically unable to touch them. Personal assets have been split 50/50 into a holding account and I only have access to pay bills. Any debt that she has accumulated post D-Day is her sole responsible and any gains that I have made are mine.

Prediction:
When the $$ runs out, her new romance will be over and she'll come slinking back.

With the shocking amount of money that's been flowing through her hands, this new thing is clearly running on financial support and once it's gone, he'll sour and be looking for the next sugar momma. She just doesn't know it yet.

Life will be no fun without the bankroll.

I'm so sorry that she has proven herself to be SO very untrustworthy. When the utter shock wears of, you might realize that she hasn't been reliable or has been very self-focused in other ways for years. But maybe not. Mid-life crisis can be a powerful changer for some.

Wishing you strength today!

Hello everyone. I just thought I'd give an update. I'm starting to get some sleep finally. I'm even finding myself smiling. I heard through the grapevine that the OM already took off. Can you say con artist? I can't, nor do I want to confirm it, but I'd imagine if that was true, I should be getting a phone call or knock on the door very soon. I'm I allowed to say idiot on here? Threw away an 18 year relationship and lost pretty much everything for what? Should we start taking bets when she's going to start begging to come back?

Still no results on the STDs. I'm afraid to call, so I'm just going to assume no news is good news.

Thanks everyone for being here for me through this journey. I couldn't have done it without you. I truly mean that.

Faithful,

Happy Friday! I’m going to make a bet instead on you and some positive forward progress. While in this high try and avoid triggers and don’t let the anger sneak up on you. It will come in waves when you least expect it. (IMO)

Maybe you should consider changing your locks so you don’t have an ambush visit. Anyway just wanted to let you know that while some of us aren’t very vocal on here we are always reading. Have a good weekend.

S2D

Should we start taking bets when she's going to start begging to come back?

Just putting it out there - have you thought about what you want or what your response would be, if that is the case?

Based on everything I wouldn't expect true remorse from her, and it can help with self affirmation and confidence to write this kinda stuff out.

On another note, I also wouldn't read to much into what you hear on the grapevine - sometimes with affairs, they'll break up and get back together half a dozen times because the wayward partner feels a need that it must work (because why would your WW otherwise throw away her family if it wasn't "meant to be"). It's bullshit of course, but it happens often enough.

Keep focussing on yourself brother - you're asskicking your way through this!

She's going to be livid when she finds out you've taken control of the business, and the money.

You need to set up security cameras in every room of your house. And,carry a voice activated recorder on you,at all times,when she's around.

Cheating wives are notorious for making false DV accusations when they're losing control of their BH. We've had BHs here,who have been arrested because the ww lied to the police. One instance..the BH was on the couch,watching tv,when the doorbell rang. Suddenly his ww came running down the stairs,hair a mess,mascara running down her face,shirt torn. She had called the cops,and claimed he was throwing her around the house. He was arrested. Get the cameras immediately.

I don't know if you can legally keep her out of the house. In many states, a spouse can't kick anothet spouse out of the house. She may have every legal right to be in the house. You need to protect yourself.

You already know what she's capable of. Just keep that in mind. She showed you who she really is. Believe her.
Also, keep posting here. You've experienced such a shock that you're probably still reeling despite making such incredible progress. There's a lot of collective wisdom here that can help keep you centered.
Stay strong.

I just want to second Hellfire’s post above.

You’re either going to get love bombed or rage bombed or both, respectively. Hold onto your gains with good preparation, self control, and adherence to your lawyer’s guidance.

I don’t think you will be able to come back from this personally.

She pretty much killed your marriage.

But the one thing I want to add is you can never ever again blindly trust her.

If you even think about giving her another chance you absolutely cannot with out a legally, written out and certified by the court agreement.

Even if that meant divorce and you try again.

You absolutely 100% need written legal protection.

If she were actually remorseful she would agree to whatever you want after what she did.

Also want to put in another acknowledgment of what hellfire said.

It does not even need to be that extreme.

It can be much more subtle. You would be surprised.

There was a public story in the news recently of "Lindsey Schriever" I think that was her name.

She plotted with her serial criminal boyfriend to kill her husband but the police discovered it.

There is police video of a domestic violence call a few days earlier where she was clearly the instigator.

She was blocking his path and he slightly pushed her aside to get past her and he almost went to jail.

It’s an interesting video as he almost admitted to it even though he was clearly not violent and she was clearly the agitator.

The point is be careful.

This house of cards is about to collapse on her. Be prepared for her to use you as a back up plan. She will cry, manipulate, and beg for another chance. Be prepared for this, she betrayed you in many ways, and this cannot be fixed with "I'm sorry". Stay the course Brother, you are doing great.

Other than divorce, are you planning an other legal action against her and OM? Does her sister know all that transpired? Nip that narrative. bring her up to spead with uour version of events. Stop her from being the go between.

Hello Everyone. I'm glad to be back. Nothing really new has happened other than her playing obtuse with the accounts, meaning I tell her to go and get her own bank account because there's no longer a joint bank account, then she asks the next day about the accounts, and it goes on and on. I'm starting to feel "relieved" maybe? Like a weight is coming off my shoulders? Does that make sense. I went from the worst day of my life to starting to feel "happy?" Does this make sense???

No lawyer action yet, but a restraining order is looking like a possibility. I don't want to go that way, but Im not putting up with much crap anymore.

I salute you for taking control, @faithful, but please protect yourself and watch your back. As in, your WW sounds like a real bunny-boiler. I am actually concerned for your physical safety.