SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Do you have Amazon delivery? Tried to pm you but unable to.

It says you're at the limit for pm's.

I dont think I have amazon delivery if it's a special service. I have Amazon prime. Funny enough I just realized I have two Amazon accounts. One with the dot com and one with dot CA but both under the same email.

As expected he didn't deposit any money into the joint account. Mortgage payment will bounce. Great!

And if not for the generosity of others we would have no food this weekend.

One of the kids asked me of dad loves them anymore since he doesn't care if they eat or not. One of the others replied "apparently not".

He's going to lose his kids for good.

As CAS told me they are all old enough to have a say in whether or not they want visitation with their father.

Try again. Sorry!

So I assume I'm not the only mother whose soon to be ex has tried to dodge paying child support.

I know once the court orders are in place (soon) and he is required to pay, he will (hopefully) but how do you explain a dead beat dad to the kids?

They are really devastated! Their own dad doesn't care if they have food or that they have a roof over their head (their words).

I had a meeting with children's aid and was told all of the kids are old enough to have a say in whether they attend visitation with their dad or not. I was also told I'm doing everything right.

I have the older kids in IC but the twins require wh to sign off.

Other than reassuring them and listening to them what other things can I do to help them all through this?

annb. Still can't

Their own dad doesn't care if they have food or that they have a roof over their head (their words).

This is essentially my life story. My male parental unit, as I called him, never bothered to pay alimony or child support. My parents divorced in the early 70's. He was just never held accountable. Ever. That said, I didn't really realize it as a child - I would have been around 8 or so, because my mother just made sure we didn't know. She learned very quickly to never tell us that he was coming to pick us up, for eg, after the first couple of times he bailed and we were disappointed. She made sure to never let us count on him again by simply not telling us. If he showed up, to us, it was out of the blue and a "wonderful" surprise. We certainly had no idea he wasn't paying her any support at all. She was a SAHM and not earning anything herself. I don't even know if there were food banks back then or support like that. She got Mother's Allowance, and I'm sure it wasn't a lot.

Obviously, as I got older, I figured things out and could see things as they really were and eventually, I just cut him out of my life like the cancer that he was. He didn't deserve to have children and I sure wasn't going to spend my life just waiting for the occasional surprise appearance in our lives when he'd act like nothing had happened, no time had passed and everything was normal. Um, no, not going to happen. I essentially "forgot" I had a father when I was around 17. I'm not all traumatized about it or anything. IMO, it really doesn't matter if someone is family if they aren't going to act like they are family. Treat me with respect, treat my sibling with respect, treat my mom with respect or get out.

He died last week. I'm actually surprised that someone let us know. I found his obituary. None of us are in it. No one is. Not his siblings, not his first family, not his second. Just another example of his pathetic, empty life. I really don't feel anything.

I'm not a parent, so perhaps I'm the last one that should be offering any kind of parental advice. I would advise being very careful about what you tell your children. I do feel that kids should have childhoods where they aren't worried about what their parents are or aren't doing. I know that's hard to do when you're living it. I am thankful that my mother didn't let on to us how difficult things probably were for her, and she didn't turn us against our father - he did that himself. We ate a lot of KD, spaghetti, soup and Cheez Whiz and/or peanut butter sandwiches, and it didn't kill us.

I am sorry he is shirking his responsibilities. I just don't know how a parent can do that. I'm sure he's very smug in thinking he's punishing you when he's punishing his kids.

Nope. Your are not the only mother in this situation. When I was in it, I got two jobs, and a third during the holidays in a catering kitchen. I also took in two room mates to help me pay the mortgage.

You are in the rage stage about him not paying the bills. You are entitled to be. But in fairness, you have known for years he was cheating and you wouldn't leave because you were getting your ducks in a row. Where are the ducks?

SackOfSorry

Thank you for sharing the perspective of being the child in this situation. I am not trying to put the stress of all this on them, there's much they don't know. It's just when there's things they want or need and the money isn't there I have to be honest. The old routine we had was so ingrained and now it's all different. It's alot for them to take in.

Wh has been very detailed on what he is paying for to the older two kids which was way out of line. It's not their concern.

Charity411

Something my IC and the CAS case worker both told me was to not feel ashamed or guilty for staying for so long. That to want to keep my marriage together, to hope that my stxwh could be a better man, husband and father isn't a fault in me.

I did start seriously getting the ducks in a row last year. It's actually helped this time. They had all the details and files we gathered before.

What happened? I became so depressed that I didn't want to live. I woke up every day, got the kids off to school then laid in bed crying until I couldn't cry anymore. I did this every day for months. Functioning just enough to keep the kids taken care of.

Every day deep down I knew wh was with her. I knew there was most likely a child. I knew he hated me and I feared every day he was plotting a way to get rid of me so that he could move her into my life. It was an awful existence! He became physically violent with me.

It took seeing the look in his eyes, a look that terrified me to finally make me realize I was in serious danger. I made the call. I have taken care of the kids as best I can making sure they have the supports they need. I have done a damn good job and will continue to.

I appreciate your honest answer. I get it. I was there. Please know there is a wonderful life on the other side. You don't need anyone but you.

[This message edited by Charity411 at 6:37 PM, Saturday, July 1st]

You are in the rage stage about him not paying the bills. You are entitled to be.

I dont think it's rage. Maybe it comes across that way here but it's more fear. Sure I'm angry that he's proving just how much of a father he is NOT, but I'm more worried about the kids. Making sure they have food and clothes (ds needed new shoes) and anything else they need.

There's alot I won't discuss on here because I just know he's reading. Hes probably getting a kick out of knowing I'm stressed and worried.

It's also frustrating that things are going so slow. There are time limits I have to wait and hoops I have to jump through which is hard to do when I'm still trying to dig my way out of that depression.

He really doesn't seem invested enough in you or the marriage to bother reading here, imo.

I would get on the phone to the bank as soon as possible and let them know about the payment. If your honest about what is going on, maybe they can work with you a bit.

[This message edited by SackOfSorry at 8:53 PM, Saturday, July 1st]

He really doesn't seem invested enough in you or the marriage to bother reading here, imo.

You underestimate him lol. I'm sure he will use anything and everything against me. He always hated SI and that everyone was on my side. I'm sure he will find a way to spin it so he makes me look bad.

I have informed everyone of the current situation.

Actually I'm not hiding any of it anymore.

Little M had an allergic reaction today which was scary. No idea what set it off but got her meds and she's better. Always something to keep me on my toes.

My father was like him.

One thing I will tell you..if he doesn't want to be in their lives,don't try to force it. It's best he just leave.

Ok, two things.

Don't tell the kids he loves them. He doesn't. No father would act the way he is.

I won't force visitation. Hopefully thr judge won't either. The kids have said they want to tell the judge they don't want to see him. And when the question if he loves them has come up I sorta avoided answering.

I have had to tell them to be nice. The names they have called him are awful and the things they want to do even worse. I said I realize they are angry and hurt and that they can express that hurt without resorting to violence. Not that a good 2×4 to wh wouldn't be justified lol

Why do weekend suck so bad?!?

Today we have all been sorta lazy. I didn't sleep well at all so kids let me sleep in. The day has flown by.

It's so hard. Still don't have my new vehicle. So I can't go for drives with the kids just to get out. They have also asked for things that I can't get right now. It's frustrating for all of us.

They have also asked for things that I can't get right now.

They are probably like most kids these days and already have way more than they even need! I guess it's just a time to remind them that there are kids out there with no food, no clean water, no shoes, no peace in their country, no bed, etc. What they are going through may be different than what they are used to, but certainly far from what other less fortunate people face. Maybe time to implement a "count your blessings" exercise each day?

It wasn't silly stuff that they asked for. Socks were the big thing. Clothes in general. DS asked for all clothes for his birthday. He's suddenly had a growth spurt.

Just so no one worries I'll be offline as of tomorrow. I'll check in when I can.

Just so no one worries I'll be offline as of tomorrow. I'll check in when I can.