SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hello wise SI members!

I have been struggling with this for quite some time and recently it has gotten harder. I feel like it's a very silly thing to be struggling with and therefore don't really want to address it. I'm embarrassed that it's an issue, but it's not going away.

I typed out a whole background and deleted it... it boils down to this... how do you handle having more than one close/best friend? How to handle feelings of hurt when your friend posts about her best friend on social media?

Feeling like the Other Woman and I don't know how to handle it.

♥ little turtle

No advice but I know exactly what you mean! And it does hurt. I get it.

Thanks, DF. I feel better to know I'm not alone and that you can relate.

I totally get what you are saying. I feel like I have a couple best friends but I am not their best friends. They have other friends who are truly their ride or dies whereas I am just a very very good friend. It hurt for quite a bit. But then I realize that I have lots of friends of different levels and that I am still lucky to have any of them in my life. And it made me wonder if I am another friend’s BF even though I think of her a very very very good friend. In the end, labels don’t help. Just embrace the love and friendship and realize what good taste in friends you have that they have so many other friends.

And don't be embarrassed. Infidelity made us suspect relationships and it’s weird to share friends. It feels a little unsafe. But it’s okay. We are still amazing :-)

it’s weird to share friends. It feels a little unsafe.

Yes! I think this is a big part of it. Secretly, maybe I'm worried that since I'm not her best friend publicly, she may vanish. Even though the label doesn't really matter. And it's very unlikely for that to happen. I know I'm important to her, even if she doesn't tell anyone else. Now to figure out how to accept this and simply enjoy the moments I have with all of my friends...

Bearly, how did you get to that realization?

"In the end, labels don’t help. Just embrace the love and friendship and realize what good taste in friends you have that they have so many other friends."

^^^ This!!!

I think when people call someone their best friend on social media they are going to intentionally or unintentionally hurt somebody's feelings. If someone wants to express those feelings to a friend, why not do it privately in a text or a card?

The label really does not matter. I had a friend for many hears who was always telling me I was her best friend and we were going to still be best friends when we were old blah blah blah. We went through a lot together. I helped her get out of a bad marriage and helped her on moving day and paid for some of her expenses. Guess who dropped me and no longer wanted anything to do with me when she no longer needed me? So much for best friends.

Turtle, I actually brought this up in therapy. I felt like I didn’t belong. It hurt.
But the facts show me that my friends care deeply about me, and they include me.
I was not be ostracized or left out. I think it ties to my abandonment issues and fear of being dumped/betrayed.

And also I realized that I loved them. I love my friends. And it might be a little lopsided. But that’s okay. And I love that they all (mostly) get along with each other. There are two that don’t really get along that well and that sometimes complicates things. So I realized that it is even luckier when they all get along.

You sound like such a caring person. I am sure your friends love you. And maybe they just have quite a few BFFs, including you. :-)

This is a great subject that I have seen this play out with my W. She has a friend that they talk several times a day, but haven't seen each other physically in a year. Then we have a neighbor they see each other 4-5 times a week and visit and hang out together. These are both her best friends, the one friend is another trainer so they talk workouts and clients all day, the neighbor is a mom so they talk about kids and family, all of them are important in their part of her life.

I haven't shared here yet but will real soon, my Son has been in the hospital for 3 months, my W has been there with him this whole time, she has met another mom with a child in a long term stay. They spend a lot of time together helping each other and going to lunch or dinner, she has known this lady 2 months and I dare say right now, today, is her best friend. Friends come and go in these seasons.