Icedover84 ( member #82901) posted at 9:30 PM on Friday, January 10th, 2025
She might also be experiencing Limerence for her "situationship" that is ending and she knows she's in the wrong, but can't help but mourn losing someone she cared about (I know, hearing this is like eating a shit sandwich). Except limerence isn't like infatuation, it's a chemical reaction more like addiction. She's in withdrawal at the same time as the realization of what she did to you is hitting her. You're both experiencing loss, and while you're the victim and she's the offender, it probably drives both of you crazy knowing that her head is working like this.
I'm glad she started therapy. She's going to need to discuss limerence and addiction so she can find a way back to stable. But you also know that you don't owe her an extension of grace. You can keep her on the sidelines as long as you want, it's up to her to repair this. You could also call the whole thing off. That's what your role is in this, to decide what outcome you want.
When my wife agreed to stop using Snapchat because I demanded it, I could literally see her going through the phases of grief. While I was suffering myself, I recognized what she was experience and I gave her a little bit of grace and understanding. It helped a lot. Eating shit sandwiches sucks, but you're going to be chewing on one for a while no matter what outcome you pursue.
DRSOOLERS ( new member #85508) posted at 1:59 PM on Monday, January 13th, 2025
Hi,
Firstly I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I think it's important to note here, whilst reconciliation is totally a valid option for some, she is in no way entitled to this. If you feel the betrayal is too great, you are entitled to move on. Millions of people do and their lives improve for it. Millions of families co-parent well and the kids flourish.
I think an important question I would be considering here, that I can't see address is the 'why'? Why did she cheat?
The second thing I would consider is, outside of the infidelity, is the relationship great? Is it one event in an otherwise flawless marriage.
Personally, given my personality traits, reconciliation is never something that could sit well on my principles. This is a valid opinion to have and don't let others tell you otherwise. For me it's pretty simple, if someone is willing to inflict the level of pain and betrayal that comes with infidelity on you, someone more aligned to your morals has to be out there.
It's a simplistic stance to have and requires a lot of self believe and investment in your self worth. Do whatever is right for you and don't fall victim to the sunk cost fallacy nor the family unit argument.
Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 7:45 PM on Monday, January 13th, 2025
"She is acting like the BS!"
The fact that she is trying to sell you a ticket is a huge red flag.
There is either more to the story than she has admit, she wants to have you STFU so she can have the best of both worlds or she wants you to rugsweep the whole thing so she doesn't feel bad. None of these is good.
You are under no obligation to buy a ticket to that show.
Focus on you and your healing.
BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades-2 adult children. Multiple DDays w/same LAP until I told OBS 2018- Cease & Desist sent spring 2021 "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"
Sunshinedays ( new member #82375) posted at 3:00 AM on Wednesday, January 15th, 2025
I know you have had a lot of advice already and it’s important you take time to think things through about what you want. If you can take a break from the house a couple of nights somewhere. It also shows them that you are not accepting of their behaviour.
It sounds like your partner has not done a lot of reflection about why this is happened and what they intend to do to get help. I think this would be the only way you could find a way forward.
Know that you do have a choice and you don’t have to make any decisions straight away.
