SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It’ll be two yrs in Sept…since my husband had a mental health episode /midlife breakdown and sought out prostitutes…..we have BEEN THROUGH IT! He took al responsibility and I "took the bullet" at first not telling our adult children as we worked towards healing. We made a lot of progress until I found porn 1.5 yrs in and discovered a porn habit . I immediately kicked him out and didn’t speak for 2 months. Slowly we have been rebuilding with him now in 12 step ( huge growth from that) IC and honestly podcasts really help so much. I got my disclosure and still love my husband. At time I get frustrated, he has changed and is growing and says he feels like a new person but still has moments where vulnerability isn’t easy…..and takes effort. I’m a bit hypervigilant and at time am not good at autonomy vs enmeshment……I’m working on that. But we are tired. 2 yrs. Intense. Considering having him move home and start again. Any recommendations? Encouragement.? . I have a generous post nuptial and we will have a plan for and tools in place we have learned. A huge thing is he also stopped drinking. Just like that one DDay. I’ve seen change. Hopeful.

just had our 26 wedding anniversary..24 yrs of a loving marriage 2 years of hell

I'm glad you've seen marked progress. And, hypervigilance is so normal, considering what you've been through. To comment on your thinking of having him move in again; in my experience in rebuilding from my FWH's A....the only way to build trust is to take the risk and test it....if you feel up to it.

You may end up hurt again.....and you may end up reaping the rewards of all the hard work you two have done. Continue to keep yourself safe. WIshing you both many more happy years together.

It might work. How comfortable are you with him moving back 6 months after a d-day?

IMO, it's easy to fake it for 6 months, not easy to fake it for 2 years. You're not exactly 2 years or 6 months out....

In the end, you have to make the choice. Maybe the question you need to ask is something like, 'What happens if you find him using porn or drinking again?'

Also, I view stopping alcohol a positive step. To me, it means that he isn't going to give up control of himself quite as easily as if he continued to drink.

Sisoon

How comfortable are you with him moving back 6 months after a d-day?

Good question……I guess I feel DDay 1 was the big one, DDay 2 "relapse is part of the process" Or atleast it’s what we’ve been told. DDay 2 to me was devastating but I was watching him like a hawk and DDay 2 was porn during a business trip. Self soothing with porn. nOT ok, but it forced him to not JUST address the infidelity, betrayal trauma ( taking care of me) and his own trauma. He realized porn is more of an issue than he thought and ended up in 12 step which has made a huge difference.

I only recently realized my nervous system gets a bit activated when he’s here …..but I am working on that. I do need more time to focus on me and my space. I also am working on emeshment vs autonomy. On my part. I’m just beginning to consider the moving back in. Would be much easier if there was a script to follow :) navigating all this is hard. I do want healing, I do want reconciliation, I DO NOT want to go through this again. No guarantees - it’s a risk

Ladybugmaam~ agree ….its a risk. Thank u for taking the time to comment