Hey LT —
I guess I had previously overlooked the idea that D isn’t an option at all for you.
And again, I understand hanging in there for your faith, and your want of keeping the M together — up to a point.
As I’ve noted before, faith and holding up my end of the vows is a big deal to me, however, I had to include D as a possible outcome. I had to include every possible outcome to heal.
It is important to add, I never weaponized divorce to get changes I wanted from my wife, that doesn’t work anyway. The changes to be a better partner had to come from my wife.
The reason D was on the table, because there was a time when the pain was too much and it wasn’t good for me or her.
Once I let go of holding on to the M (sounds weird) — I started to heal.
Once I understood I would be okay again, regardless of the outcome, it gave the relationship room to reset.
For your particular position, it sounds counterintuitive to mention D at all, but it could change the dynamic or the effort of your wife to help you heal the M.
Either way, it does sound like you all need another MC/IC who understands the pain of infidelity better.
FWIW, my MC asked us to avoid infidelity websites too, and I told him that while SI can be a trigger, it was far more helpful than hurtful.
