SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

5 months since finding out and I’m doing worse. I find it so hard to be present emotionally with my 3 and 7 year old. Every task seems like climbing a mountain. Anyone feel similar? Did medication help? This is just honestly so unfair. Definitely having a "poor me" moment. It’s so hard to even type out what I feel.

RLF, yes it is typical.

I had medications, they numb you but did not help me.

Introspection and mindfulness could, as sharing some of what you feel.
Can you try to share your feelings here?

If it might help you you will be heard.

Are you in IC? If so, have you brought this up with your IC? What has your IC suggested? If you're not in IC, have you considered finding a good IC to work with? That might lead to a faster resolution than finding the right drug and dosage.

Meds can help, but meds are not universally effective. If you're interested, my reco is to find a psychiatrist who knows the meds and follow their advice. Your GP is probably not current on the choices.

At the same time, deep sadness is a natural consequence of being betrayed. If grief is interfering with your interactions with your kids, maybe taking some time to mindfully feel your grief will do what you need done.

I’m sorry you are going through this. The ups and downs of healing are brutal. It’s crazy roller coaster ride. At 5 months the shock is wearing off and the reality of how awful infidelity is starts sinking in.

This funk lasted to the 8-10 month mark, I didn’t take meds but started working out and cleaning up my nutrition. Food wasn’t desirable anyway so I made drastic changes to my diet and lifestyle. As I was making gains physically my self esteem started to come back, I’m not saying everything was rosey, just much better. That 8m-1yr mark the anger phase hits and it’s a doozy, not that you weren’t already angry it just hits different later after some clarity.

Stick around and share your struggles there is a lot of experience here.

Be careful turning to meds. There isn't really any magic pill. I know they've helped many people, but I had a bad experience with an SSRI. I went into a deep funk on it and just stopped caring about anyone or anything, and it contributed to some major problems in my marriage. There are some side effects I wasn't warned about, but discovered later. It not only made me not care about anyone, it also killed my libido and led to dysfunction, and that lingered for a couple of years after weaning off of them. So stopping doesn't always solve the problem.

RLF, I echo the other comments that feeling down at 5 months is very normal and that a good therapist can help. What you're going through is grief, and some days it can be overwhelming. It does take us away from our children at times, but as long as you aren't neglecting or abusing them, they'll be okay in the long run. Imagine if someone very close to you had died - while an anti-depressant might help, you might also accept that sadness is an expected state of mind.

If it hasn't already, anger and numbness will also be your companions for the next few years. I cried daily (sometimes more than once a day) for the first year or so. Eventually, you will start to come out of it, but that healing process takes longer than anyone wants.

Thank you everyone. Very insightful and I won’t be going on meds. This just sucks as I’m sure you all know. Praying for happiness and healing for us all.

This just sucks as I’m sure you all know. Praying for happiness and healing for us all.

It’s a life sentence for a crime we didn’t commit

It took me several months before I felt like my feet were on Solid Ground and I could have confidence in my thoughts and decisions. The roller coaster till then was pretty hellacious at times

When you are going through something so painful you want to turn to the one person in your life that is supposed to be there for you no matter what but you can't because he / she is the person who caused this pain

A good IC can help you navigate this and find your way to a happier place. Medications can help but they do come with some potential negative side effects. My GP prescribed Trazodone and it helped me but I didn't stay on it long-term

I know it's easier for us who are further along in our own recovery to say it will get better but please believe us because it does

One of the best things I did for myself was to download an app called Meetup and I used it to find a group of people who get together to do fun things, such as sand volleyball.

My social circle revolved around my wife and pretty much who she knew and I was okay with that, until D-Day. That's when I realized how dangerous this was for me because were we to divorce I wouldn't have a Social Circle to lean on for support. My wife sees the same people everyday at work but with my job I go from place to place so I am never anywhere long enough to develop friendships

When I found the Meetup Group I told my wife I found a group of people that get together to do things and I am going to play volleyball Tuesday night. You have social networks and I don't so this is just for me and you cannot be there. That was incredibly hard to say because she could have easily said okay then I'm going to do things with people without you there. This idea honestly scared me to death and had she said that it would have been very detrimental to our reconciliation

I know this sounds one-sided but she already had social networks at work and obviously they would not include me so I needed something just for me so were she to start doing things with people I probably would have just ended the relationship to make it easier on me

It was awkward going to the first volleyball game because I was solo and had to learn how to socially interact with people without my wife there but by the end of the night you couldn't wipe the smile from my face. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. I came home and told my wife it was awesome, I had so much fun, I can't wait for next Tuesday

My suggestion is for you to find people you can do fun things with by yourself.

Something else I did for myself is I started taking welding classes at the local Junior College. I've wanted to learn how to weld for years but just kept putting it off but I finally signed up and I am having a blast with it. I'm 55 years old and have no plans on changing careers, I just wanted to learn something new

Find things you can enjoy without your husband and go do them and try not to feel guilty. I did at first but then I told myself the only reason I'm here by myself is because of her selfish decisions. The guilt melted away fairly quickly

[This message edited by WB1340 at 1:26 PM, Monday, January 26th]