SatyaMom (original poster member #83919) posted at 10:10 PM on Wednesday, February 19th, 2025
One week since DDay 2nand WH out of the house. He is staying with a friend but says he "Has nowhere to go" …..I know it’s not my job or problem but this is going to be a big challenge financially……. I’m super stressed about this……I have an appt with lawyer March 6 😢
Also trying to explain to my 25 year old how his dad saw prostitutes for a summer and now 16 months later he is watching porn and I found escort’s website on his computer….. which he says he used as porn…..my son doesn’t seem to understand this isn’t about porn and just because his dad was " good" for a year he is lapsing into old behaviors and this is part of his addiction.
SacredSoul33 ( member #83038) posted at 11:07 PM on Wednesday, February 19th, 2025
I'm so sorry that you're stressed out.
IMO, you really don't have to explain anything to your 25yo other than your H knew the boundary line and crossed it anyway. It's possible your son is being deliberately obtuse because he doesn't want you to divorce.
I hope your H has a little chat with his dick about having "nowhere to go" because he's been following it around.
Make sure you ask the attorney about recovering your half of the marital funds that he spent on prostitutes.
Gasping for air while volunteering to give others CPR is not heroic.
Your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 5:05 PM on Thursday, February 20th, 2025
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and make sure you are practicing a lot of self-care. D is not easy at all and it appears he is already throwing guilt in your direction
He is staying with a friend but says he "Has nowhere to go"
This is not your problem or concern anymore he needs to figure it out. Eventually you both will have your own places and will have to navigate life your separate ways. I would practice as much no contact as you can only discuss the D and finances. You are not his support or therapist.
It's possible your son is being deliberately obtuse because he doesn't want you to divorce.
I too think it may be this with your son. Kids usually do not want their parents to D. My daughter had a really hard time with it even though she saw what I went through and knew it was not a good situation for me. They adjust and recover just as we do.
Sorry you are going through this. It is so hard not only dealing with the infidelity but also D. Eventually you will get to the other side and it is worth it. There is happiness and peace of mind and a whole exciting life ahead for you. It took a long time for me to get there but I am thriving in my new life which i was deathly afraid of years ago.
fBS/fWS(me):51 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(21) DS(18)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/8/24
BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 5:33 PM on Thursday, February 20th, 2025
Your WH managed to find the extra money to pay for prostitutes; he can figure out how he's going to pay for a hotel or short-term rental.
As for your son, I agree that he's being willfully obtuse because he doesn't want to believe the worst of his father and doesn't his parents to divorce. But ultimately, this isn't his decision to make and I don't think you need to explain anything to him or defend your decision more than you actually have.
But if your son does put pressure on you, you can point out that your WH already put your health at risk and squandered marital funds with prostitutes in the past, and you simply can't keep taking the same physical, financial, and emotional risks by staying with him.
BW, 40s
Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried
I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.
Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 6:30 PM on Thursday, February 20th, 2025
"Sorry you are going through this. It is so hard not only dealing with the infidelity but also D. Eventually you will get to the other side and it is worth it. There is happiness and peace of mind and a whole exciting life ahead for you. It took a long time for me to get there but I am thriving in my new life which i was deathly afraid of years ago."
I too am sorry you are dealing with this.
It was not easy for me either, but I figured things out and am now doing well. There is light at the end of the tunnel. My experiences, though, lead me to encourage other BS to take exquisite care of themselves in all areas—physical, financial, spiritual, emotional, legal.
"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!
